Paperboy. (h.s. au)

25.

Bright white light. Fuzziness in my head. Yelling, shouting voices. Crying. Slamming doors. Rolling wheels.

Nothing.

• • •

I'm walking down a long, narrow path in the woods. I cannot see an end to the path. Everything is white. Snow falls on the treetops and snowflakes sprinkle through the air. I walk forward at a slow, steady pace, unsure of where exactly I'm going or why. This is nice. It's pretty here, wherever this is. For some reason, I'm not too worried about where I am or what's going on. I have a certain lightness about me. I feel like I'm floating; I have no weight.

I take in my surroundings. Dead trees crowd on either side of the snow-covered dirt path that lies in front of me. They angle in a way that almost completely umbrellas my body from the snowfall. I look down. I'm wearing a light blue dress that comes past my knees and no shoes. Odd.

My feet crunch through the fresh snow and I feel nothing. This is wonderful. 

The clouds above me are grey and white, pleasantly shedding tiny snowflakes upon me. I let out a puff of air, and see my breath in front of me. I don't feel cold. I don't feel anything. The numbness is like a warm, soft blanket. For exactly the reason it sounds like. I don't have to feel a thing. I could be numb for the rest of my life, free of all strained feelings, of all worry, all stress and just be free.

What did I even have to worry about? I can't seem to remember a thing, as I only can think of how beautiful this all is and how lovely my setting is.

I continue my slow pace down the path. I squint, and there's nothing different in front of me. Just the long, straight path that leads to nothing. It doesn't seem to end. I wonder if I can stay here forever...

Boom.

A tall, grey tree falls before my feet, landing right at my toes. I gasp and step back, looking up. The trees start to fall in a wave of grey and white, snow flying off of them in their descent. Flustered, I look behind me, and see nothing. There's only a blinding white and no more path. My beautiful path starts to shake. Trees are falling left and right. I start to run. I run forward, hurdling over trees and barely dodging the ones the nearly crush me.

Soon, I see the same bright white coming from ahead. It was quickly advancing upon me. I turned around as I ran. With every step I took, the path disintegrated into the white mass behind me. I look back forward, and it's coming faster now. The trees surround me, falling in every direction. I fall into a slide on my knees and cover my head. Soon, feeling comes back.

I feel a sharp cold wind smack my body around. Everything about me is freezing now. I open my eyes and lift my head. The only thing I see is white. And I'm not standing on anything anymore. My beautiful wonderland has disappeared. I squeeze my eyes shut and pray for the numbness to consume me once more.

The tighter I squeeze my eyes, the less I feel. Soon, I feel nothing again. I don't reopen them for fear of there being more chaos when I open them. This is better. I start to feel the blanket cover me again, slowly, carefully. I sigh with relief and embrace the feeling. I could get used to this. Maybe I'll just keep them closed...

A loud BEEP interrupts my nothingness. The sound shakes my body and echoes in my head, bouncing off the walls and coming right back to me. I shut my eyes tighter and curl up. It gets louder and faster with every second. The sound is frantic and wild. It quickens along with my heartbeat. I try to calm down, but calmness now hides from me along with air. The sound is maddening and relentless. I wish and hope that it ceases soon so that I can calm down.