He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Chapter 1

"Puddin'?"

The Joker groaned, annoyed at being woken from a very sound slumber by Harley's irritating voice. He kept his eyes shut and ignored her, rolling over and pulling the pillow over his head.

"Go away," he muttered.

"Aw, but I got a surprise for you, puddin'!" exclaimed Harley. "C'mon, rise and shine!"

"I said go away!" he snapped.

"C'mon, puddin', please? I promise you'll like it."

Joker groaned again, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "All right, what..."

But he opened his eyes and ducked suddenly to see an arrow heading straight for him. It hit the clown's mouth that was the headboard to their bed instead and stuck there, quivering.

"Jesus Christ, Harley, you dumb broad, are you trying to kill me or what?! What the hell did you do that for?!" he demanded, rounding on her.

And it was then that he saw Harley's outfit. She was wearing nothing but a thin, white sheet, wrapped around her body, with wings attached at the back, and she carried a bow. She beamed at him and then came over to pull the arrow out of the headboard.

"It's just got a suction cup at the end, see, puddin'?" she said, showing it to him. "It's harmless."

"What the hell is all this?" he demanded. "Who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm cupid, puddin'!" she exclaimed, smiling. "It's Valentine's Day, and I've just shot my Valentine through the heart!" she said, taking the arrow and licking the tip, and then sticking it to his chest. "I thought you'd enjoy the joke!"

"What joke?" he demanded.

"Me being cupid and shooting you...I thought you'd think it was funny," said Harley, her face falling as he glared at her, furiously.

"What's funny about it?" he demanded. "It's just stupid, Harley. Just like you, you dumb blonde! Now get this piece of crap offa me!" he snapped, tugging at the arrow, which had fixed itself to his chest.

Harley began pulling at it, and at last ripped it off, along with a small portion of Joker's chest hair. He howled in pain, and Harley bent down to kiss his wound, but he shoved her away.

"Just go away!" he demanded. "You've done enough! And take that stupid outfit off!"

She grinned. "I was hoping you'd say that, puddin'," she breathed. She pulled off the sheet to reveal a sexy lingerie ensemble underneath. "Like what you see?" she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him. "Maybe you can impale your little cupid, huh, Mr. J?"

"I said go away!" he shouted, shoving her off the bed. "I'm not in the mood!"

"Aw, but it's Valentine's Day, puddin'," she said, sitting up and frowning. "It's the one day of the year aside from my birthday that I'm guaranteed a good revving!"

"Not right now you ain't!" he snapped, standing up and heading over to the bathroom, rubbing his chest tenderly. "And after this morning's fiasco, I can't guarantee I'm gonna be in the mood later! Honestly, Harley, why do you have to make a big production out of everything all the time?! You know every plan you try is destined to fail! You don't see me repeatedly trying schemes that never work, do ya?! Why can't you ever just cool it, huh?!"

"Because...I love you, puddin'," she murmured, gazing after him. "You drive me crazy."

"Yeah, well, you drive me crazy too, Harley, but not in a good way!" he shouted. "And if you keep doing stupid crap like this, you're gonna drive me homicidally crazy, and I'll be celebrating Valentine's Day by shooting a real arrow through cupid's heart, get me?!"