He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Chapter 7

Joker awoke the next morning still holding Harley in his arms. He looked down at her, and noticed how still and pale she looked. And then he realized that she wasn't breathing.

"Harley," he said, shaking her gently. "Harley, c'mon. Wake up."

She didn't respond. "Harley, Mr. J says wake up now," murmured Joker. "This ain't a funny gag, I told ya, now do what I say."

There wasn't a flicker of life from her. Bud and Lou had woken up, and were instantly alarmed, leaping up onto the bed and whining and nuzzling Harley, and then staring at Joker in confusion, their eyes pleading.

"Yeah, yeah, I know!" he snapped. "She won't listen to me!"

They whined harder, and began licking her wildly in an effort to wake her up. She didn't respond and they grew more agitated, barking at Joker desperately. "There's nothing I can do!" he shouted. And the moment the words escaped his lips, he grew furious.

"Nothing I can do?!" he shouted, throwing off the covers. "I ain't gonna just resign myself like that! I'm the Joker! There's always something I can do! And if tender, loving care don't work, then we can always try a little pain!"

He reached under the bed and picked up his joy buzzer. He pressed it into Harley's hand, sending electricity shooting through her. "C'mon, Harley," he muttered, pumping against her heart as she twitched. "Come on! You ain't gonna ruin the joke like this, you stupid, worthless, annoying, useless little brat! This is typical of you – you're such a screw up! You screw up everything! You screwed up my life almost as much as the Bat has, and if you think I'm gonna allow my life to go back to being boring and uncomplicated and routine, you got another think coming, you dumb broad! I need fighting, I need pain, I need insanity, I need to inflict violence and abuse and suffering, and you ain't gonna disappoint me by taking that all away from me! You're the only doll in the world stupid enough to put up with all that as long and as hard as you have! I need you, Harley!"

He dropped the joy buzzer at last. Harley's body remained twitching for a few more seconds, and then lay still. Bud and Lou whined, and then began howling forlornly. "Harl...Harl, c'mon," murmured Joker. "Don't leave me without my number one fan. What's a comedian without an audience? He...ain't funny, y'see. Not funny at all."

He traced her lips with his finger, pulling the corners of her mouth up gently. "I want you to smile again, baby," he whispered. "C'mon. Smile for your loving Mr. J. I'll tell you your favorite joke, as long as you promise to smile. You promise, Harley?"

She didn't respond. "This gag ain't just gonna make you smile," he murmured. "It's gonna make you laugh. I guarantee it. It always makes me laugh hysterically, 'cause it's just hilarious. Quite the joke. Maybe the best joke I ever told. You wanna hear it, baby? Here it is."

He bent gently over her, and whispered in her ear, "I love you, Harley Quinn."

Then he laughed madly, gathering her body into his arms and cradling her gently against his. He stopped laughing abruptly when he heard a soft sigh and felt a faint movement in his arms. "I love you too, puddin'," whispered a familiar voice.

Joker looked down into Harley's beaming face gazing up at him, glowing with joy. "Harley?" he gasped.

She giggled, and then kissed him passionately. "You're...supposed to be dead!" he stammered, gazing at her.

"Sorry to disappoint you, puddin'," she murmured, grinning.

"Yeah, it is a disappointment to me, you dumb blonde!" he snapped. "I wouldn't have said all those things if I thought you would live to remember them! It was all a joke, anyway. You get that, right? I was just joking!"

"Yeah, Mr. J," she murmured, cuddling him. "I know."

Bud and Lou's excitement could no longer be contained – they leapt at Harley and began licking her enthusiastically, tails wagging.

"Hey, get lost, you mutts, she's still weak!" snapped Joker, shoving them away.

"No, it's ok, puddin'," murmured Harley, beckoning them back. "If I'm left alone to relax and do nothing, I just feel weaker. Being taken care of makes me feel weak and useless, and I'll never recover that way. I need something to do if I'm gonna get better. And I feel a lot better when I'm occupied, or when I'm being treated a little more...roughly."

She smiled at him. He grinned and then seized Bud and Lou by their collars. "I said out, you mutts!" he snapped, throwing them out of the room and slamming the door. Then he turned back to Harley, smiling.

"You adorable little masochist," he murmured, approaching her. "Only my Harley girl would be shocked back into life by being electrocuted with a joy buzzer. You just couldn't keep away from the pain, could you, Harl? You need it, and there isn't a lotta pain once you're dead."

"Nah uh, puddin'," she breathed, pulling him down on top of her. "Being dead is all about resting in peace. And who wants that? I need my Mr. J to keep on hurting me as only he can, forever and ever. My murderous, manipulative, irredeemable angel."

Bud and Lou were still clawing against the door when they heard Harley shriek, which turned into a low moan of pleasure. The noises continued, and the hyenas shared a look, and then settled down in front of the door, shutting their eyes. It was gonna be a long wait.