Dear Benjamin

Chapter Twenty-Two

I don't think I've ever run that fast in my life.

I jumped out of the car and bolted to your doorstep, before pushing your door in and stepping through.

'Benjamin?! Benjamin!'

No response.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I entered further into the house.

And then, I saw you.

Bloodshot eyes. Tear soaked cheeks. Shaking hands. Quivering bottom lip.

God, Benjamin. You were a mess.

You were on one side of the lounge room with your back to me, roughly shoving things into a luggage bag, and I stood on the other side of the room.

'Benjamin?' I said, shyly.

You didn't say anything, didn't acknowledge me.

You just continued packing.

'Are you okay?' I asked, taking a small step towards him, stretching out my hand.

Your head snapped around, your bloodshot eyes meeting mine. They were no longer filled with happiness, no twinkle existed in them anymore. Your jaw clenched tightly, as you glared at me.

'Don't come near me.'

I stopped moving.

'Benjamin,' I said, softly, 'what happened?'

Your fists turned white from your tight grasp around the bag's strap.

You didn't respond.

'Benjamin?' I trailed off.

'She's dead,' you said, barely a whisper.

'Benj –'

'She's dead!' you screamed at me. 'She's dead, don't you get it?! She's gone, she's no longer here. She's not coming back...' your voice broke on the last word.

You looked to the ceiling and started taking deep breaths, trying not to start crying again.

'Your mum?'

'Yes,' you said, curtly, like it was bitter on your tongue. You turned your back to me, and reached for a piece of paper and pen.

'Oh Benjamin, I'm so sorry –'

'Don't.'

I sucked in a breath.

'How did it happen?'

You closed your eyes.

'A drunk driver hit our car, mum was driving and she got most of the impact... She was impaled by a large shard of glass. She lost too much blood, there was no saving her. She died almost instantly.'

I imagined his mother, sitting in a car seat and tapping the steering wheel, laughing. Then, a second later, her body drowning in her own crimson blood. Her face ghastly white, lifeless.

Dead.

I breathed in again.

'Benjamin, where are you going?' I asked, gesturing to his bag.

'Somewhere, that's not here. I can't be here anymore. I have nothing, no one except Dad.'

'You have me...' I said, quietly.

'Being here hurts too much. I can't stay here. I can't live here without her. I need a fresh start, a complete one. I'm sorry, Danielle, but I can't. Not after this.'

'Why?' I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek.

'Because, eventually, you will hurt me. Loving you will hurt me. Being around here will hurt me, and it will just remind me of her. I'll see her face every time I look at a flower and every time I order the coffee that we both loved and I'll see her in everybody that I meet and already know and I will see her in you. I already do.'

Tears started sliding down my cheeks, and I bit down on my lip.

'I have to leave. I want to still live my life, put my potential to good use. But I can't do that here. Not anymore.'

I sniffle, 'does that mean...?'

'Yes. I'm so sorry, Danielle, but I'm leaving everything behind. Including you, and our love, and our memories. I have to. We can't be together. I can't be with you anymore.'

I felt my stomach drop, and my insides churn. Tears burned my eyes and it took all my will to stop myself from doubling over in agony.

You turned to look at me, your face expressionless. Blank. Heartless.

My throat tightened so I nodded instead, tears falling freely.

I watched you fold the piece of paper you were writing on and enclose it inside an envelope, sticking it shut. Slinging your bag across your shoulder, you walked towards me, crying silently.

'Could you please do me a favour and give this to my dad?'

I nodded again.

'Thank you for everything, Danielle. Thank you for loving me, and I'm so sorry it had to end like this. I loved you, Ellie.'

Just like that, you pushed past me, leaving my name lingering in the air.