In The Mind Of A Genderfluid

I'm sorry

Sorry but if you don't like swearing I recommend you don't read this...
Fuck...I haven't felt this shitty since 9th grade. Everything is shitty.
I'll start from the beginning basically this morning we had PE and it's physically challenged people's day or whatever I'm not entirely sure because no one fucking explained it right.
Anyway my school for some reason decided to try to make us see the challenges they face but basically everyone in my class took it as a fucking joke. It was probably my worst PE class ever. So I walked in the gym thingie and saw the wheelchairs and because everyone was taking as a joke I decided to not participate in that one (a teacher literally told me "if you end up in a wheelchair how will you know how to use it?), and then it started, one of my friend's starts telling me that I find everything offensive again starting his rant with "here she goes again saying it's offensive", he tried to tell me how not eveything was offensive like using the n word when you're white is not wrong and how black face is okay cuz they're not offending anyone (he said this as a POC told him it was offensive btw) and because I shutted up cuz I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.
So anyway, I was so pissed I lashed out when I got the chance, calling racist and sexist. And he then got upset cuz I "told him that without him doing anything" from then on my day was just complete crap. I've never had to fight more with myself to not end up doing something I'd probably regret, biodanza helped but it wasn't enough cuz as soon as I got home he answered my message which by the way said something like "You either get your head out of your ass or I honestly don't want to be friends anymore" and he told me I was being unfair, and I had no right to give him ultimatums.
The thing is, he's one of those friends who I spoke to about my gender and all he told me was that he accepted it but he was not going to mix any pronouns cuz he was "used to it now, and it's hard to change that."
Now he sent me a message saying sorry and that tomorrow he wanted to talk better. I'm just scared because we talked now through fb and I was really close to having a panic attack, I don't want to actually have one.
Sorry if this makes no sense, I was trying my hardest not to write this but unfortunately the music was not drowning out the thoughts. And sorry for the bad grammar I'm not really in a good condition to spell check and it's 2am and tomorrow I have to wake up early.
I just...fuck...am I wrong? Was I too shitty and rude?