runaways {frerard}

three

I was supposed to meet Gerard at the little coffee shop on the corner as usual, except this time I kept walking as I passed the big glass window at the front of the cafe. I felt myself slow to a crawl, craning my neck to spot a blob of fiery red sitting in the corner. I knew Gerard would be there, so I wasn't sure why I was checking through the glass. Maybe it was because I felt bad, because I couldn't stop myself as I kept mindlessly walking past the cafe, because I was going to keep walking and never turn back.

I wasn't even really sure where I was going, but for some reason I felt compelled to escape Belleville. Actually, not just some reason, I knew exactly why I wanted to escape this wretched place; There was nothing here for me. Nothing except for a school of kids who think I'm a freak, a city of strangers silently judging my every move, a mother who loathes my every move, and a father who's been absent since I was just born.

But Belleville has Gerard.

That one tiny thought nagged at the back of my head and I felt myself slow my stride and shuffle back toward the glass, back toward the red mop of hair faintly visible in the corner. I stop completely and place my hands on the glass, looking into the coffee shop like a child gazing at an exhibit at the zoo. He hasn't noticed me yet, he was looking down doodling something on a napkin.

I wanted to stand here forever and memorize that very moment; the way his face twisted in concentration as he draws effortlessly, and how his hair hangs down perfectly, just him in general. I tried to soak in my last memory of him, because despite the undertone repeating itself in my thoughts to stay here, there was no way he was serious about running away with me. He had only promised me all of those impossible things yesterday to ease my mind.

Unlike me, there are actually things here for him; he's got a loving mother and brother, and I can promise you that not a soul on this entire planet hates him. He has plans for life, he has his art and college and everything that comes after that— and I'm not supposed to be a part of this plan. I'm just holding him back, he would have been better off if I'd never met him. If I had never met him, I would have done this sooner. He was the only thing keeping me here, quite possibly even alive...

I was about to walk away from the window for the last time, but at the last second Gerard looked up and caught my gaze for a fleeting moment. I'm glued to the window in a moment of sheer panic, I didn't want to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I figured it would be easier for the both of us if I just left without a trace, as if I were never here in the first place, as if he was just another stranger on the streets.

But that plan seemed to be ruined now, and once again, the only thing I can think to do is run. I hardly make it down the sidewalk before Gerard has caught up to me, grabbing the hood of my jacket and stopping me in my tracks.

"Frank..." he began before trailing off again.

"Were you... were you going to leave?" he continued, and I could hear the faint twinge of hurt in his voice.

I began to explain, but looked up at him and realize that he already knew what was happening.

I still haven't spoken so he continues again,"I would've come with you, you know. Why didn't you tell me you were serious about that." I suddenly feel like crying, but he's already seen that once and I don't plan on showing him the broken side of me again.

"I- I didn't know how to tell you, so I decided I just wouldn't. There's no way you could actually run away with me, what about your brother and your mom, and—" I pause in the middle of my sentence and a single tear spills from my eye and runs down my cheek.

Gerard brought a hesitant hand toward my cheek and delicately brushes the tear away, my face was hot where he'd touched me.

"I don't just say things, I mean everything I say. And I meant what I said yesterday, Frank." his voice is soft and understanding now, just barely audible over the cars zipping past us.