INCAPABLE - BOOK I: THE FALLEN

C H A P T E R 3

I COLLAPSED on my bed, overwhelmed with a mixture of exhaustion, regret, remorse, and horror, as I balled myself up in my covers. I threw my hat to the other side of the room in anger. Angry with the fact that I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. An official is something I cannot handle. I cannot handle watching the beatings, the shootings, the hangings, and all of the deaths. The mindless deaths. And tomorrow I will have to commit them. Today was just my training day, what will happen tomorrow when I have to do it all on my own? I turned on my stomach and let the tears mold into my pillow. I couldn't help but thinking I let my mother down. I wanted to avenge her. To kill those who killed her. But, deep in my heart, I knew it was wrong. So wrong.

I was confused and unsure about everything. I looked up, nestling my chin into my pillow, and stared at my bedside lamp. I repeated it in my head, Confused about everything. The lamp flickered. I don't know anything! It flickered again. But I know this is wrong. And it exploded. I shielded my eyes, throwing myself under my comforter. I waited to long to look up, but I eventually did. The lamp was gone, and shards were scattering the floor. It was an old style lamp, with a shade, that manually turned on. My mom passed it down to me. And now it was gone.

I heard the alarm beep, signally that my dad had just arrived. Staring intently at the broken ceramic shards and fully knowing what I did, I watched them as I thought, Fall back together. Fall back together. I stared both terrified and amazed as the shards assembled themselves into the beautiful lamp. I slowly climbed off of my head and picked it up, inspecting it as I did so. Not a crack in place. In a way I was terrified at myself, stunned, bewildered at what I just did. I am a-

"Hey Valerie."

"H-Hi dad" I stuttered.

"How was your first day on the job, Princess?"

"It was... great."

My dad's faced lit up with excitement. He must have not noticed the hesitance in my voice. Or the uncertainty.

"That's great honey!", he smiled, "So what do you want for dinner, tonight? How 'bout we go out to that pizzeria you like so much?"

"Actually, dad" I started, "Could we order it and you go pick it up?"

"But it would be much easier if-"

"Please?"

"But wouldn't it-"

"Please dad?"

"Sure Princess" and he disappeared from the room.

That night I planned to run away. I put the lamp back in its place on the bed table and fall to my knees beside my bed, groping for my suitcase. I finally grasp it and...

"Valerie?" I bang my head on the boards under my bead.

"Yeah dad?"

"What toppings would you like?"

"Umm... surprise me."

"You sure, honey?"

I bang my head again. Damn that hurt. "Positive."

After I was sure I heard the door close, I slid my suitcase from under my bed and filled it with everything I thought I'd need. I even filled an extra duffle-bag with food and water. However, when I knew dad would be coming home soon with the pizza, I couldn't make a run for it. I stayed there, positioned at my door, ready to leave, but couldn't move a muscle.

The killings became easier after that. I didn't know what else to do besides stay at my job. It's not that I enjoyed the killings, or even tolerated it. It's just that I always looked away when I shot. I felt the shot in my chest so many times. I was killing people who were just like me. I had to walk around with that burden inside of me, pushing me down- shoving me to the ground, like I did my prey. It made it worse that dad and Trevor always smiled at me do it. It became even more heartbreaking as I watched Trevor become more and more ruthless towards the Specials. He was a demon compared to me, and I didn't even have the strength to stop, to tell my father I couldn't do it, to tell myself I couldn't avenge my mother. After a while, dad suggested I started dating Trevor. He liked his strength, his stamina, his hatred towards the Specials. Dad felt he protected me. So I did. It's been over a year now. I know dad wants me to marry him. He wants me to end up with someone who will protect me from the "freaks". So I won't end up like mom.

I will end up like her if I don't get out of here. Dad will kill me before any Special ever will. I have to face it. Hell, I have to embrace it. I'm one of them now. I am the abnormal, the subhuman, the minority.

I am a Special.