The Black Widow

She can never remember

I don't bother with sleep. This needs to be taken care of now. I know how awful it felt when my own memories had been replaced. A whole part of me was missing. I felt empty. The whole world was wrong. When they fixed it I felt even worse. I was more then whole. I had two lives inside head competing for space. I never knew if any of my decisions were my own and when I did remember all the things that happened to me I had to experience them all over again. 

Can you imagine having to live the worst parts of your life over again? 

I have been tortured for days, I have gone weeks without sleep and even longer without food. I have killed innocents and the only friends I ever had have died but none of it was worse than coming out of that.

I don't want that for Mariya but she needs to be herself again. She deserves to be in control, to make her own decisions. She should get to live the life that I took away from her.

And that is a whole other issue. She was dead. I know she was. I felt her last breath. I watched her eyes go blank. I watched the life fade out of her. I killed her and I never leave a job unfinished. So how can she still be alive?

And when they did manage to bring her back why give her the new memories? Why couldn't she still be Mariya? Why is The Red Room still active when they have me? No one else should have to go through what I did.

I go straight to Mr. Suit's office. I don't doubt that he will be there. He is always there. I don't even think he has a life outside of this job.

Apparently I am right because after I incapacitate the two guards outside his door and storm into his office he is pouring over multiple files. He has probably been there for hours but still looks as formal as ever. He is wearing a tan suit with a lime green tie.
He straiten a his tie and stand up. "What can I do for you tonight. How are you healing up."

I glance down at my leg. I actually hadn't really noticed it. He smiles expectantly. He is waiting for me to answer one of the questions. "Yelena Belova. The girl you said you didn't know. The one trying to kill me she Mariya isn't she?"

He chuckles, "That's being a little bit paranoid."

He is so convincing with this lie that I almost believe him. I want to believe him.

"I know who she is. I know you brought her back to life and gave her knew memories."

He shakes his head and laughs, "That's crazy..."

"I know the Red Room Academy is active."

His eyes go wide, "How... who told you that."

"She did. She was at my house tonight. Why put more people through that? You still have me."

He shuffles nervously from one foot to the other and runs his hand through his hair. He is almost... flustered. Am I really getting to him that much? Why did he want to keep it such a secret. "We were... preparing another Black Widow... in case you failed."

"Failed?"

"Some of the things that were medically done hadn't been tested before and on one of your physicals there were some worrying signs."

I remember all the time I spent in sterile hospital rooms in the Red Rooms, fooling myself into thinking that I was sick and they were helping. I knew better. I should have known better but I thought I could trust them. I was wrong. All they were really doing was messing with things that should have been left alone.

"What kind of signs?" I ask wearily.

"It doesn't matter but at the time we were worried so we got more candidates for The Red Room. 29 this time."

"But what about Mariya... or Yelena."

"She always was the best candidate. You trained her. No one else can say that."

"But she was dead." I look down ashamed, "I killed her."

"We brought her back and put her on ice. We were saving her until we needed it."

"But why the memory implant why not just let her be Mariya."

He rubbed his forehead drawing my eyes to the obvious lines and graying hair "To lessen the confusion but also... but also to give her a back story more similar to yours. We weren't sure if that was needed for her to end up like you."

They shouldn't have done that. My life had been awful Mariya's had been amazing. She had everything I never got and they took that away from her. Why couldn't they have just left her as herself. Or even better just left her dead At least then she wouldn't be forced to be there pawn.

"Take it out."

"What?"

"The memory implants. Take them out."

"I can't." 

I charge him. He stands his ground but I know he is scared. He would be an idiot not to be. I am just inches away from him, "I won't ask again."

"I can't." He says again, "After you broke free from yours we made adjustments. We can't take it out without permanently damaging her brain and if she ever remembers who she was..."

I grab the color of his designer suit and slam him against the desk, "What will happen?"

"Let go of me." he says again trying to regain his previous cool and calm demeanor. I see right through that. I can't believe this was a man that I used to be afraid of. He was nothing. I could snap his neck without any effort. I could rip out his throat and not even break a sweat.  I'm in control now.

"Tell me what will happen. And I want the truth." There was no need for threats. He knew what I would do if he didn't tell me the truth. He had ordered me to do it to others countless times.

"...Fine" He chokes out. I loosen my grip on his throat so I can talk. "They will short out or something like that. I never pay attention to the science behind it. She will forever be going back and forth between the two personas. Never knowing which one was real. She would go crazy killing everyone or herself."

I almost let go of him completely. She can't ever be Mariya again. My best friend was still dead. Bow I had to watch as someone else used her body.

"Why would you do that if you knew it wasn't safe?"

"We didn't think we would ever need to take them out."

I stare at him absolutely disgusted. She was a child. She still is a child.

I release him and walk away knowing that there would be some kind of consequences for my actions in the office.

But I don't care.

Right know I just need to save Yelena. She won't ever have to live the life and she will not live a life dominated by a thirst for my blood.

She will be saved.

Again Mariya is not actually a character in the comic books but Yelena is I just thought it would be fun to combine them. There were two Red Rooms after Nat's and Yelena Belova was the product of one of them. Most of the other students were killed.
Sorry about not updating in a long time I will try to do it more often. The book is coming to a close(only about 8 more chapters left) and it will be epic.