The Black Widow

Torn

"You were wrong." I say simply.

"Have you considered anything that I told you at all?" Clint says in disbelief. I tracked him to an abandoned warehouse in a not so nice or safe part of town.

I stay in the shadows. If he sees my face he might try to read it. I can't have that. I can't have him reading into every tiny expression that crosses my face. "To be fair you didn't tell me much."

"Well how is this for you," he starts, "they were wrong. They can't treat you the way they have been They took everything from you and you do nothing about it. Everything in your life has been apart of a bigger effort to control you. That isn't fair and I do know why you just let it happen."

"It's my job." I snap 

"Really because I have the same job and nothing like that has ever happened to me. I get a choice. They give me a choice."

"It's different here." I say struggling to justify it. I came here believing that I was right. This is what I am supposed to do. Why is it that he already has me doubting myself?

"Why? Why is it so different in your country? Why can't you have a say in what happens to you."

"I.... I don't know."

He nods like this is the answer he was expecting. Like he knew that conclusion was inevitable, "Then why keep working for them."

"There is nothing else for me." I say it because its true. I have been trained to be the Black Widow since I was born. I don't know who I am without it.

He takes a deep breathe, "Not here... but you can come with me."

"I..." The proposal comes suddenly. I should have known that it was going to lead to this.

"Just think about it before you say no. You can escape. You don't have to live like this anymore. The people I work for can help."

"How will that be any different? Your government will still expect me to-" I let my voice trail off. He knows what I mean.

He shrugs, "Maybe but it is always your choice, you should always have that choice Nat."

"Natasha." I correct him trying to distract myself from his proposal.

"No." He responds in a joking manner. I don't find it at all funny.

"I can't just abandon everything."

"It's your life. You can do whatever you want with it."

The thing is I don't know what I want. I need time. I have to retreat. That's a funny thing. I have never had to retreat before.

"I have to go." I say and walk out hurriedly.

"Just think about what I said Nat, please." No problem. It's not like I can think of anything else.

When I arrive home Alexei is sitting in the same spot at the kitchen table reading a newspaper.
He knows something is wrong right away, "You're upset?"

I shrug.

I expect my usual silent response to make him smile at least a little bit but it's like he didn't even notice. He would never let something like that go unnoticed.

"Alexei?"

"Mmm." He says still focused on whatever he is reading.

"What's wrong with you?"

He continues to read, "Nothing, I'm the same as I have always been."

"No your not and their idiots if they thought I wouldn't notice. What did they say to you? What are they making you do?"