Silent Nights {Joey Bada$$}

one

I didn't know him too well, but Joey did and he was in hysterics. He's been that way ever since he got the call. He's been crying for what seemed to be hours.

Sometimes he'd want me around an other times he'd push me away, and I didn't mind. I understood. He had just lost his best friend, his brother, and he was mourning. He needed his space and he needed comfort. I didn't mind the bipolarness.

I take a deep breath, looking at the bags I had packed and dropped near the door earlier.

Me and Joey lived together. I made the big move around a year ago, before all of this. As you'd expect, we're together. Or... we were together. I don't know.

We had been fighting. Just before he got the call, we were fighting and I was packing my bags to leave. I hate fights and arguments, so I told him I was done and there were some words between us after that, words that shouldn't be told to the one you were in love with, but we were angry. We couldn't help it.

His phone started ringing and I accused him. That's what we have been fighting about. I saw him hanging around some groupies after one of his concerts -Joey's a rapper- and they were flirting and having a grand old time and I was angry. Because, well, I'm his girlfriend. We're together. Or were. Or whatever we are right now, it doesn't fucking matter.

Back to the story, he was flirting and stuff, and then he started 'hanging out' late and I was losing trust. I was losing his attention. I was becoming insecure, and I don't like that feeling.

So, we're fighting and then he gets the call. I ask if it was a groupie -because that's what I assumed he was doing in his spare time, or the time he wasn't with me. Groupies.- and he ignores me and answers his phone.

The look on his face during the call worried me. His shaky words worried me. Him collapsing onto the couch in tears broke my heart and I didn't hesitate to walk over, take him into my arms and let him tuck his head into my chest and cry out that his best friend had died.

I let him tightly grab me and pull me in close, tightly holding him back and rubbing his back. Then I let him push me away, run to the bathroom and throw up because he was crying so hard.

"Joey?" I call out cautiously. I didn't hear anything and I haven't heard anything for a while. I was just sitting there, waiting for the right time to go back and comfort him. I knock gently on the door, our bedroom door, and slowly open it. "Joey?"

I quietly walk into the room, closing the door behind me. "Are you okay, baby?" I ask, walking over to the bed where he was lying. I shouldn't have called him baby. Technically we weren't together. I remember yelling to him that we were over, that I was leaving and he should fuck off and go to hell. But that was before.

He needed me now.

"Joey?"

"Come here." He says, his voice low and raspy. I listen to him, climbing into the bed and moving close to him. He needed me. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer.

"Do you need anything?" I ask him, looking up at him.

"No." He says, keeping his eyes forward. "Just stay here with me."

So I nodded and stayed.

We sat there in silence for a while, and although we possibly weren't together (I still don't know where we stand at this moment in time, but I don't think it matters at this moment in time) I enjoyed it. I enjoyed feeling his heartbeat and warmth and feeling his chest rise and fall. It made me think clearly. I didn't want to really leave him, I was just angry.

"They killed him." He finally says, making me look up at him. "They killed Steez."

"Who?"

"Hating ass niggas." I could tell he was getting a little choked up. "They been hating on us since we started this shit. Especially Steez. Whenever a nigga happy about himself and what he doing, someone is always there to bring him back down to they level. They want you suffering just as much as they are. They hated Steez the most."

"Why?"

"Because they was never able to get to him. They always saw him smiling, shining. So they killed him."

"So... what are you gonna do, Jo-Vaughn?"

He's quiet for a minute. He was hesitating. I already knew the answer. I'm sure it was the same thought running in heads of him and all of those close to Steez. I wanted to talk him out of it but it was too early. The pain was too fresh for him to think rationally and I understood that.

Maybe that was just my way of letting him get away with things subconsciously. Maybe I should bring up the fact that the thought of what he was going to do was a stupid idea.

"We're gonna avenge Steez."

"The best way to do so is keep him in your hearts and-"

"Cammy, we ain't letting them get away with this." He says in a harsh tone, making me close my eyes tightly. "We cannot let these niggas get away with killing Steez." His voice cracks and so does my heart.

"Joey, they're just bringing you down to their level. They know exactly how you're going to retaliate. They want this. They want a reason to go after all of you."

"Well, we're gonna give it to them." He says, the determination in his voice almost stopping me. Almost.

If I didn't care about him, I'd let him go off and kill whoever it was he wanted to. I wouldn't be trying to comfort him or be in his arms right now. But I did care. Obviously.

"Just... Camille, I need you here with me baby." He says, burying his face into my hair. "I need you to be here with me."

"I'm not going anywhere Jo-Vaughn." I say, telling him the truth. I wasn't. I couldn't. After taking some time to think about it and seeing him in such a state, I just couldn't leave him.

"Does that mean you gonna unpack yo stuff and stay with me?" He asks.

"Yes. I'm not gonna leave you."

"Thank you so much baby." He says, holding me tighter and pulling me closer. "I'ont know what I would do without you. I really need you right now, Cam."

"I know baby, I know."