A Do Or Die Situation (Sequel to To Offset The Shakes) // Andy Hurley/Trohley

Not So Sweet Sixteen [Part Three] (Libbie's POV)

"Libbie, how could you?" Mackenzie asked me, almost in tears on the edge of the bed. 

Gage had since left, mainly after being yelled at by Mack. I understood her hurt, I couldn't exactly blame her. I fucked up and I needed to own that. Would she ever forgive me? Didn't really look promising at this point. And, if she never did forgive me, well, that was on my conscience. Everything was my fault; I could have stopped Gage but I didn't. It wasn't the alcohol's fault, though it played a roll. I could have fucking stopped it.

"Babe, I-"

"Don't 'babe' me," she scoffed.

"I'm sorry," my head fell. "Mack, I honestly have no excuse for what happened. I'd blame it on the alcohol, but you and I both know I could have stopped it from happening."

"So, are you straight now?" she asked, wiping a tear falling down her cheek.

"N-No! Of course not," I retorted. "I-I don't know what I am, to be honest."

"I know you don't love me," she said, and I couldn't really argue with that. I mean, if I had truly honestly loved her, then I would have never let this happen. 

"I do, but maybe not as much as you and I had both thought," I said.

"Wow, thanks," another tear fell down her cheek.

"No, that's not the way I meant it," I said. 

"Then how did you mean it?" she asked, picking her head up slightly. 

"Well, the only solution I can come up with for all of this is that the idea of sex with a guy appealed to me. I know I'm a lesbian, as confusing as all of this sounds, but I think I had the mindset of wanting to just experience it before I gave my life to girls, you know?" I explained, trying to make her see it from my point of view. 

"I-I mean, that makes sense, kind of, but we could have talked about it," she said sternly. "You didn't have to go and screw Gage of all people behind my back. And what about Halle? Does she know?"

"S-She doesn't..." my voice trailed off. "And we both hope she won't find out. You won't tell her, will you?"

"I-I can't make that promise right now," she said.

"I understand," I sighed. "Mack, I'm honestly so sorry. I don't expect you to ever forgive me honestly, and if you don't want to be with me anymore, I understand..."

"I-I don't know yet," she said. "I need to think about it. I think it's time we both go. You know your way home, right?"

"Y-Yeah," I said, slipping my shoes on. "I'm sorry," I told her once more before I got up and left the room.

I made my way through hoards of people to get to the front door. Gage was near it, and he and I exchanged glances, then I opened the front door and left. The walk home wasn't too far, and I was happy I remembered the way, because I don't think Mack or I were prepared for an awkward walk together. The walk wasn't long either, considering I was home in under ten minutes. I slowly and quietly opened the front door, praying neither Joe nor Andy were awake. Sadly, as I closed the door behind me, a table lamp in the living room turned on.

"J-Joe! You scared me," I said, putting my hand on my chest.

"Sorry," he chuckled lightly.

"Were you waiting up all this time for me?" I asked.

"Yeah," he yawned. "Mack said you'd probably be back late, so I said I'd stay up while Andy got some rest."

"Oh, I see," I said.

"Was the party fun?" he asked, walking towards me and giving me a hug, then quickly backing away. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, somebody was drinking ... Libbie, you're only sixteen," he gave me a stern look. I lowered my head, letting the tears flow. Joe knelt down, picking my head up with his hand. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, walking me over to the couch and sitting me down.

"D-Dad, I fu-fucked up," I cried into his chest, gripping his shirt.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asked, stroking my hair.

"I messed up so bad," I cried. "Mack and I aren't together anymore."

"What happened?" he asked. "You guys were doing so well."

"T-That's what I thought, then I opened my damn legs," I cried harder. 

"W-What?" he asked, looking down at me.

"Yeah, you heard me," I said. "I-I hooked up with Gage, dad, and Mack walked in afterwards, and just so much sh-shit happened. I-I feel so b-bad."

"Libbie, I don't know what to say," he said. 

"Neither do I," I said. "I don't know what to do either. Mack doesn't trust me anymore, I don't trust myself, and if Halle finds out that Gage cheated on her, all hell's going to break loose. Well, more than it already has. Dad, what do I do?"

"Libbie, this is something that needs to be worked out in good time," he said, still stroking my hair. "Did you talk to Mack about it?"

"Y-Yeah, and she said she didn't know how to feel. I can't blame her because I seriously messed up so bad," I said. "I don't blame her if she never forgives me."

"Hey now, don't talk like that," she said, pulling me closer. "You don't know what's going through her head right now. And, you won't know until you give her some time to herself to think about it. I'm not saying you don't need time to think either, but you're aware of how much you hurt her and how much you fucked up," he explained, making me feel shittier about myself, but also more understanding. "Just give her some time, give yourself some time, too. Everything will work itself out, and if it's not meant to be, it won't."

I sighed into his shirt, hugging him tighter. Everything was still running through my mind though; from how Gage took me upstairs, how it felt when our lips touched, how I felt when he did all those things to me, how I felt when I did all those things to him - and how it felt when Mack walked in. Emotions flooded my mind, making me physically sick to my stomach; aside from the alcohol, this was a whole new kind of sickly feeling. I held it together as best I could for the time being, until I finally told Joe I was going to go to bed. He kissed my head, then sent me to my room. I closed the door behind me, then instantly ran to my bathroom. I emptied my stomach into the toilet, falling against the wall afterwards. 

I ran my hands through my hair, sighing shakily, realizing how much I had hurt Mack. Once more, all the images, the feelings, the everything, flooded my head. I broke down in tears again, curling up on the shower rug and putting a towel underneath my head. I slowly cried myself to sleep, not being able to rid myself of the immense guilt I felt.