A Do Or Die Situation (Sequel to To Offset The Shakes) // Andy Hurley/Trohley

In The Night [Part 1] (Libbie's POV)

It was nearing midnight. I knew that everyone in the house had fallen asleep by now, but I laid awake in bed, staring at my ceiling, my hands rested on my stomach that was still its normal size - for now, at least. I wouldn't allow myself to sleep. It's not like I wanted to much anyway, even if it was good for the growing baby inside of me. I knew I needed to, but I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes and drift off, for the fear that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. It was a fear that was all too real, caused by the night seizures I'd still occasionally have due to Natalie's abuse. There were nights I could feel myself drifting off, so I would refuse to let myself sleep, fearing that one of the seizures would be enough to black me out for good. 

I tossed and turned, fighting to stay awake. I prayed that I wouldn't have another seizure, since it had been months since the last one. They only seemed to act up during stressful parts of my life, and these past weeks had definitely been stressful. Still, no seizures persisted, much to my liking. Still, though, I refused to sleep. I'd rather be tired for days than go through seizures. They never used to be as bad as they were now, and though I could still handle them if I were to have one on my own, I didn't want to go through it again, because sometimes I'd hit my head on something from shaking so much and I'd be in pain for days afterwards. It wasn't something I'd wish on anyone, even my worst enemy. 

Gage: "We need to talk."

His text snapped me out of my thoughts, making my eyes open wide, as if I hadn't been tired at all. I picked my phone up from the edge of my bed and read it. Talk? He wants to talk? He has the nerve to text me after weeks of self-pity and tell me he wants to talk? How many times did I ask him if we could talk? I ignored my frustration and texted back.

E: "Name the time and place, face to face."

Gage: "Can you sneak out now? I'm only a few blocks from your place, we could meet at the park we used to smoke at near school."

E: "Meet me outside my house in five minutes."

I got out of bed, walking towards my dresser. I grabbed an old pair of sweatpants and an old sweatshirt, throwing them on over my tank top and shorts. I grabbed my phone and put it in the sweatshirt pocket, then opened my door quietly. I looked down the hallway, seeing that both Joe and Andy's and Summer's doors were closed. I nearly tiptoed down the hallway into the living room. I slowly opened the front door, looking back seemingly every five seconds to make sure no one was watching. I closed the door behind me and walked down the sidewalk, standing there, waiting for Gage.

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We arrived at the park ten minutes later, and the whole walk there had been filled with nothing but complete and utter awkward silence. I knew that we both wanted to say so much, but we couldn't bring ourselves to. This was the first time we had seen each other since that night almost four weeks ago. We sat down at the familiar picnic table and waited to see who would be the first to break the silence. 

"I-I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean to take advantage of you like I did, I didn't mean to ruin our friendships with people. I'm not going to blame the alcohol, Lib, because we still both did what we did, and who knows, maybe it would have happened regardless of the alcohol," he chuckled breathlessly. "I'm just so sorry for everything that's happened, okay? I didn't mean to put you through any of that. I know you've been having a rough time lately, I know you haven't been going to school, and I know people have been giving you shit, but Lib, fuck them, okay? Fuck 'em, and fuck what they think. Sure, we did what we did and are now living through its consequences, but hell, I'll be the first to admit that what we did was fucking fun, okay? I haven't stopped thinking about it," he continued. "I broke up with Halle, we're done. It's kind of relieving, to be honest, because she was a little bit controlling and got jealous at everything. But, I didn't just break up with her because of that ... I broke up with her because I realized I had feelings for you. Lib, I like you a lot," he chucked again. "I know you say that your sexuality is set in stone, but why did we do what we did? Why did we hook up? Why did we make ... love?"

I sat there expressionless. I knew he was staring at me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. He had just poured all his feelings out on the table in front of me, and though I was certain I may have felt the same, I knew everything would change when I told him the truth, the real consequences of our actions.

"Gage, I-I," I started. "Look, I feel the same, alright? But-"

"But nothing! What's the problem then? Why can't we be together?" he asked, cutting me off.

"Gage, before we commit to anything, there's something I need to tell you. You deserve to know the truth," I said, still avoiding eye contact.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Gage, I-I'm pregnant," I said, looking at the ground. "I'm fucking pregnant, and it's your kid."

Nothing. Silence fell over us again, and this time, it seemed ten times as awkward as before. It made me want to run back to the house and never come out again. But, I stayed there, sitting on the picnic table bench, hoping and praying that Gage would say something. I felt the table move, heard him sigh, then silence again. I picked my head up, looking over to where he was sitting and saw nothing. 

He bolted. 

I stood up from the table and looked towards the woods. I heard his feet crunching branches underneath them, so I bolted in the same direction. I ran into the trees, avoiding the branches that were dangling in the pathway. I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore, but I still kept running. I came to a clearing in the woods that divided off into a couple more paths. I stopped running and looked around, seeing Gage sitting against a tree. I could hear him crying while he held his head in his hands. I walked over to him, sitting down next to him and pulling his head into my lap.

"Gage, I'm sorry," I said, stroking his hair.

"I-It's not your fault," he said. "If anything it's mine, but who cares about the blame. I'm just scared and worried - mainly about you. What are people going to say to you that they haven't already? What are they going to do to you?" he asked.

I didn't reply. It got my mind going, because he was right. What were people going to say and do once they found out I was pregnant at sixteen? How were his parents going to react? All the friends we fucked over? It would just be one more thing they have against me, against us. 

"Gage, I-I don't know, but like you said, fuck 'em, right?"

He looked up at me, a small smile appearing on his lips as he let out a chuckle. I smiled back at him - at anyone, for the first time in weeks - and wiped his cheeks with my sleeve. He grabbed my wrist, making me wince silently to myself, and stared at me, smiling more. Soon, the space between us disappeared, and his lips were on mine. I rested my free hand on his shoulder as I kissed back. He was right, I had said my sexuality was set in stone, but being with him felt right ... It felt like it was meant to be. Maybe I had fallen in love with him because he was my first experience with a man, maybe I had fallen in love with him because of the alcohol in my system. Or, maybe I had fallen in love with him because of his personality, the way he treated me, the way he cared for me - and the way I knew he wouldn't leave me alone to deal with this ... this consequence of our drunken Saturday night.

That's why I fell in love with him.