Face Your Past

Chapter 9:

You have been gone so long now. I thought I saw you today, in your window. Must be wishful thinking. I miss you so much. It's been over a year and I dream of you. Making Katherine miserable is no fun without you. My sister just started talking to me again. She hated me, for what I did to you. I don't blame her.  She adored you, did you ever know that? I know  you kept your distance because of me, she knows too.  I wish you could have been closer to her. Selfishly for my own reasons, I'd like you close to me again, or really for the first time. 

         This was getting weirder. I wanted so desperately to read this for something to be in it to change it all. To suddenly make me forget it all, to forgive him.  Walking the halls was torturous, I was looking for him everywhere I went. All because of that kiss. That kiss shattered my whole world. I felt myself being pulled into an empty hallway. There he was.

        "Read anything today." He asked smiling. I loved that smile.

         "Nothing earth shattering." I said.

          "Too bad." He smirked.

           "You could just tell me what this life changing thing is and save us all a lot of time." I said smiling at him.

             "It won't change anything." He said sadly.

            "No?" I tilted my head.

            "Nothing can change what I did. Nothing can erase those years Blu, as much as I wish it could." And I believed him.

          "Then what is so important in those pages that I must know? What is so important, that as you watched me leave, you needed me to know?" I asked, 

          "Not yet." He said smiling his best flirty smile.

       "I could just skip to the end."  He shook his head.

       "You could. But then you'd miss the best part. Knowing the ending may be what you want now, but knowing that you feel what I felt when I wrote it, that's what I want." He said smiling and leaning in. Almost close enough to touch and then he disappeared.

         I was in a daze. What was I doing? Was I really willing to forget the pain because of a kiss? Mind blowing or not, we weren't talking about a little hurt here, we were talking about years of watching that witch torment me. He was sorry, I knew that. I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me. I could see it behind those eyes. Could I forgive him for the past, maybe. Could I move on enough to make that kiss something more than it was? Not likely. I don't know what I was expecting, but he was right, there was nothing that could change what was.

        I had decided not to read anymore that week. What difference would a week or even longer make? The words would still be there and they wouldn't change anything. I was grasping for something to make it all go away, for there to be a logical reason why I was tortured, why he didn't save me, but there wasn't one. Truth was, it didn't change a damn thing. So he said he had protected me in his own way, by what? Dating Katherine? How did that help anyone but him? It wasn't like she had left me alone after that. In fact I'm pretty sure it got worse. It always did. After a long week of battling with my inner thoughts, I need to let go, to feel free. There was a party somewhere tonight, I was sure of it, just had to find it. Wasn't much to do in a small town on a Friday night but party. Party tonite? I texted Nikki and Iz. Nothing. I figured I'd get ready anyway. I could try to find Kyle or Garretts numbers, or I could just walk the neighborhood until I found it. So that is what I did. I put on my best party dress, and I did look amazing, if I do say so myself. I headed down the street until I found it. A house with a raging party. I was trying to remember who lived there.