band oneshots ✧ boy x boy

Empty Streets-BrianMacDonald+AlexBabinski

(anything in italics are lyrics)

TW: character death of suicide, mentions of alcoholism, overdosing, self harm!

A/U: "I need the silence, I need the empty streets just as bad as they don't need me."

Dear Brian,
i still wander through the streets, the fossils of my footsteps will be unearthed in a far off date unknown. the only source of light being street lamps and the moonlight radiating light in the sky. the numbing feeling hasn't left and it's been two months.

my feet still drag along the sidewalk as my ghostly footsteps impressed in concrete from walking home alone. we walked this path as one, it hurt me knowing never again will i saunter back after walking you home.

there was nothing i want more than to erase the memory. in the mops of greasy hair, we'll romanticize my despair, you'll read the poems and stories but you don't understand until it happens to you.

but they won't know that i didn't care.

i liked the silence, i liked the empty streets. i liked having time to think, you used to do the same. we met upon a simple walk, both wanting to think about our lives. the only difference was being why two boys decided to take a walk at two in the morning.

the night you decided the time was right, the rain poured down on the streets. the police showed up at my doorstep saying they found you in the park with pills and empty alcohol bottles surrounding you. the regret are away at me knowing i could of  saved you. the two men spoke to me but my vision was clouded with tears, they handed over a note you had left. i guess the rain hit before the ink could dry because the words were smudged and the ink was running down the page.

i remember we talked about our dreams and future plans as we lay out on the park grass gazing up at the stars. where i though i'd be was not where i perceived. i didn't want it to end this way, i really didn't, brian.

one night i mustered up the courage to confess my feelings that never seemed to fade away. my heart still beat at a rapid pace every time i saw your face appear, i got butterflies in my stomach no matter how many times i saw you.

that night we were talking at the shore of a near by stream, you told me how sad you were. how you went to bed everyday hoping not to wake up. you talked about how your relationship with your parents faltered as you grew old and when you confessed to your parents you were gay and how horribly they took it.

"that's why i need the silence, i need the empty streets just as bad as they don't need me." i remember you crying into my shirt as i embraced your small frame into a hug as you sobbed out those words.

you continued talking about how you couldn't hold on any longer and the metal against your skin was the only form of release you had. "but it's all there is, it's all i need." you choked out between sobs. that night you told me all about your addictions, how the alcohol made the pain drift away and how the pills numbed the pain.

i remover the moment clear as day when i faced you and let my feelings spill out, "i can be everything you need, if you make me." you were so terrified of everything going on and i was so terrified of what you would say. the collision of our kiss that made it so hard to break away.

"but you are the ember of my heart, whether you like that or not."

                                         forever your's,
                                                 Alex.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

okay, sorry for lacking at updates but I've been very busy lately and I'm sorry this is sad but I've been so sad lately and this is a way to vent I guess.

-nmc