Lust

Chapter 9

I've always been the type to care. Care about absolutely everything before myself. Care about what my dad says and care for his wishes. Care for my family. Care for those who need care. But care and control are two different things. And as I sit here sat against the door of my room, my eyes seeing double and my mind wondering as he bangs against my bed room door.

.....

"Kimberley! Come out here!" I stay quiet, my back shaking against the door. I feel fresh tears in my eyes and I've completely sobered up. He's angry with me is an understatement. He is furious. Right when I walked into the kitchen he began to state his rules. My new curfew, demanding that I have either Amy, Adam, or Sally with me at all times, the places I'm not allowed to go and the people I'm not allowed to see. I didn't even let him finish before I found myself running up the stairs and into my room. He wants control and I refuse to give it to him.

"Kimberley!"

BANG! 

I jump at the sudden heavy contact with my door and his fist. I just want him to go away. Leave me alone in peace and let me be. I feel tears streaming down my cheeks. I'm angry and sad all at the same time. I hear my mum on the other side yelling at my dad to go back to bed. Doors opening and closing.

BANG!

"Kimberley!" 

I flinch and hide my face, bringing my knees to my chest. I hear him argue with my mom and suddenly it all stops. I wipe my tears away and fall on my bed, curling into a little ball. I feel myself drift off after a couple minutes and I don't even hear the key unlock the door when I suddenly feel warm arms wrap around my waist from behind me. I open my puffy eyes and sniffle. I look back enough to see who it is. Its Sally, her arms giving me a squeeze as she cuddles into me.

"Its okay.......he's only cares." she whispers as I start to drift back to sleep. Deciding in my mind that its time to move back out of this house. The day I got sick, my mum decided that it would be best if we all move back into the  house as a family. They didn't know what would happen to me so we agreed that we try and spend as much time together as possible. I loved the idea. It meant more time together, more family dinners, movie nights. It would feel just like before, when we were all teenagers. But once I got better, I felt as if it wasn't their need to care for me anymore; it was their need to control me was what they were after.

......

I woke up with a start. My head pounding and the dress from last night still clung to my body. I look down and feel Sally's arms still wrapped around me. I feel someone moving at my feet and look down to see Amy fast asleep at the bottom of my bed. I look at the time and sigh. I have an hour to get ready and go to the theater. Today is the first day we're practicing Peter pan with the kids. I feel drained. My body aches and my eyes swore. I slowly get out of bed and look across the room to see Adam fast asleep on my little couch. His arms tucked in between his legs, searching for a source of heat. I smile as I look at them lost in their dream world. We have always been protective of each other. Always looking out for each other. It was me who was usually the one they came to when they needed a shoulder to cry on or in need of a good chat, but its times like these that I realize how close we really are. I head to the bathroom for a quick shower, The steam from the hot water soothing my mind. I push back my worries for a moment and just think about how happy I was just before I got home, and how wrong it all is. I shouldn't be kissing her. She's hurting and.... its wrong. But then I think about how happy we were; talking, smiling, laughing, without a worry in the world to bring us down. And I think about how happiness isn’t a possession to be priced. Nobody can buy happiness and nobody can force it either. It’s more of a quality of thought, a state of mind. And it hits me, I’ll never be happy if I spend the rest of my life being controlled by my dad.