Hey guys sorry but it is going to be a while before I update again I will try to have a Christmas special though. I have been going through some emotional problems lately. I doubt you want to hear about them though. I have made it my purpose in life to make my friends and everyone around me happy and to not let them see my sadness. I made this my purpose last September, September 7, 2014 when my grandpa died and my family was sad. This was heightened when my aunt (who had been born with mental retardation) died a few days after having surgery November 6, 2014. I have been wondering why I am still here if I can't even make one of my best friends happy and feel good about herself. If I can't do a simple task like that then why should I be here. My real mom (I am adopted) was in labor when she decided she didn't want me and I was a surprise to my adoptive parents and full-blood sister (we have the same birth parents and adoptive parents) so I am the "Oopsy baby" of my family. My friend thinks she is fat. In reality she is not, I weigh more than her. She doesn't eat and if she does she pukes up what little she has eaten. She gets heart broken over guys she met online and I don't actually know what to do.I will admit that I got kinda tired of it and told her to suck it up and if she doesn't want to be heartbroken all the time to just stop online dating we are only eight graders for crying out loud! Today (December 7, 2015) she read a poem on her wattpad or something but she started crying. I knew that she wouldn't tell me what was wrong, she never does, she just says I'm fine and gets mad at me when I press her too much but if I just let it be or say suck it up either bluntly or sugarcoated she gets mad. So I went with the blunt suck it up and she just left my other friend and I to do the research for a project in American History. Then as we were walking to lunch I walked in front of my other friends (I have multiple friend groups) and over to her where she was walking with some of her other friends and ranting about how my friend and I told her to suck it up during American history the words she said were and I quote "and my other friends don't even care if I am crying they just tell me to suck it up" so I patted her head (it is normal with all of my friends and I ) and she just freaking shoved me away! Like I know you are mad but if it bothers you so much TELL US!!! Don't just freaking gossip about it and us! I don't even know if I want her as my friend anymore or if she even wants me as a friend anymore. I have abandonment issues. She left me. She told me she wouldn't leave me but then she went and abandoned me! I just don't know what to do. It seems like I never do anything right anyway. I have tried so hard to make her like herself to make her happy but I only make things worse. So to all of you (even my readers) I'm sorry to have messed up any thing and everything. If any of you actually read through this I am sorry for wasting your time and I thank you for reading or even caring about my problems.
~Katie
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