Empty [h.s.]

Chapter 27 "The City of Lovelessness"

Here I am roaming the streets of Paris on my own with my suitcase in one hand and my heart in the other. Couples sit in outside cafes looking at each other with love filled eyes while they hold hands. I instantly think of Sam. I don't even know if I want him to find out about this trip. So far I haven't seen paparazzi or anyone taking pictures, but I am not as skilled at spotting those things as Harry is. It could be all over the news by now and I would have no idea because I am to caught up in my own world to notice.

I gave my all to Harry last night and it still wasn't enough. I was just a useless mistake. So I keep walking down this endless pebble road, doing my best to drag this stupid suitcase of my around. I want to leave Paris so badly, but I don't have the funds to buy a ticket back to England. Plus, the ticket Harry had home doesn't leave until Sunday night. I am stuck here.

Stranded in my own world, my thoughts torture me. Lisa already hated me. Harry now hates me. Sam is going to hate me. My parents have always hated me. Why live? I have no purpose.

The world would be a better place with out me.

I could just in front of a car right here, right now in and everyone would just go on with their business. I am only in everyone's way. That is all my life is. I take up space and that is it. No one loves me, and to be honest I only love one person. Harry.

But to no avail because he doesn't love me. I don't even know if after last night we can be friends. Like I said, he probably hates me. All I am is someone he had a one night stand with. A mistake. Just Grace.

I decide to stop by a little coffee shop and at least drink something, that can be my breakfast. I order a coffee, and set myself at a table with all of my things I hurriedly packed last night with Harry. I sulk with my coffee until a shadow shows up on the table I am staring down at. I look up to find a rather attractive man standing in front of me, and for the first time this morning I was worried about how I looked.

"What is an attractive girl like yourself doing sitting here alone?" The man with caramel eyes spoke to me in an attractive French accent.

I shyly smile and say, "I was here with someone, but he doesn't want me anymore more. Actually, I doubt he ever did."

The man takes the seat across form me and says, "Why would he not want you?"

"Because he is engaged. We have been best friends since we were born, but I love him. I have for years, he just doesn't know it." I say needing to get this off my chest in a way that is more than just writing on my blog.

He furrows his eyebrows and squints his eyes. It seems like he is trying to come up with an answer to all of my problems, but it's not that easy. If it were surely I would have thought of it by now.

"Why don't you just tell him you love him?" The stranger questions.

"He is happy with the girl that he is marrying, I don't want to ruing that. Or our friendship. Plus, I have a boyfriend but he is nothing compared the man I love." I speak truthfully.

"Why do you not want to ruin you friendship? I thought he didn't want you?"

"He doesn't want me in that way. He never will." Sigh in defeat and the stranger reaches across to touch my hand. He gives me a small smile which I am barely able to return.

"I have lived in the City of Love my whole life and even I can't crack this code. I'm sorry. I would love to help you, but I can't." And with that the stranger gets up and leaves me by myself once again. Typical.

I feel more empty now than ever, especially after that chat with the stranger. I am back to mindlessly walking around the city with my suitcase full of my crap. I am thoroughly lost by now, but maybe that isn't such a bad thing. Lots of people dream of getting lost in a city and being able to just explore.

Maybe this is my opportunity to disappear. I need to just go away. I can change my name. I will not longer be Grace Newman or Just Grace, I will be whoever I want to be. Maybe I will be a doctor or a lawyer. Or maybe I will be loved.

Right now I just need to figure out how I will get back to England so I can talk to Sam. Here he asked me to move in with him and I do this. I am such a slut. But I love Harry. I love hm so much. Why can't he see that? What is wrong with me? Why do I love the wring people? I should be feeling this way about Sam not Harry.

Before I know what is happening I find myself hunched over in the middle of a very publicans very crowded area crying my eyes out. I can't breath because to me it feels like the world is crashing down on me. I can't stop panicking. This whole stranded situation is freaking me out.

The majority of my day was spent sitting by a water fountain crying like a lunatic. People purposely stayed away from me because of it too which made me cry harder because I quickly realized that none of these people cared about me either. No one does.

As the started to set I began panicking again, but this time about where I was going to spend the night. I couldn't possibly spend it at the hotel with Harry and Lisa. I have nowhere else to go. I am lost in the City of Love, which to me right now feels more like the City of Lovelessness, and all on my own.

I decide to get up and begin my journey of searching for a nice bench to sleep on. It took me a while, but I finally found a park to sleep at. I still wasn't sure where I was especially since it was now nighttime, but I managed.

The bench was cold and hard, if you would have me last night how I would end up sleeping on a random bench the next night I...probably would have still done what I did. Even though it was terrible of me to do what I did with Harry, I still would have done it again because to me that night was perfect. I know Harry sees it as a mistake, as me being a mistake, but I love him still. Maybe that is the worst part. That is was hurts the most, I will love him no matter what he does.

I rest my head on the cold, hard armrest of the bench and close my eyes. It is going to be a rough night...

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A/N: Poor Grace. Please don't hate me. Let me know what you thought. I am here for you. I am your personal therapist. If you need to talk it out with me or anyone else comment and I will get back to you.

Niki xx