Lost in You

~Eight~

It's Thursday, and Ryan hasn't been at school all week. I've been absolutely worried sick. I wish I had've gotten some way to get in touch with him but nothing! I have nothing!

I've been so stressed about this whole thing and i've taken it out on my family. I havn't sat down to eat dinner with them since Monday and i've avoided all contact. Trapping myself in my room wasn't hard, but not answering there questions was hurting me. I wanted to talk to them, but I just couldn't. Earlier in the week I tried to speak, but instead a sob made it's way out of my throat. I choked back my tears and ran to my room, ignoring the footsteps and knocks on the door that followed.

"Hey, Honey! What would you like for dinner?" my mother asked tonight. I could tell she was making an effort to get me to talk, but after my day at school without Ryan, it only annoyed me.

"Food." I had make progress, answering with smart comments.

"What type of food, Sweetie?" she asked, ignoring my tone.

I shrugged and took an apple, intending to head up to my room and stay there until everyone was asleep. Then, I would sneak down and eat whatever leftover dinner there was. This has been my strategy all week.

"Wait," my mother said in a stern voice, grabbing my wrist.

I turned around, shocked. She never sounded this strict.

"Summer. I think we need to talk."

"Talk? Nah, I think i'll go start on my homework." I wasn't planning on doing my homework at all, but this was something hard to argue with.

"You need to come eat dinner with your family tonight," she said in a tone that I had never heard her use before.

"I'm not really hungry tonight," I answered, shrugging.

"You are a part of this family and you are going to come down to eat dinner with us, whether you actually eat or not. You will sit, talk, and be respectful." She still had a strong grip on my arm. I tried to pull away but her grip just got tighter. I didn't like being held in place. It made me feel trapped.

"I have better things to do! You are my family and if you loved me you would respect my wishes!!" I screamed. My mother looked taken aback, but only for a second.

"Summer! Your family loves you more than you will ever know! We just don't want you hiding in your room all the time like you do!"

"You never give me any space mother!! I'm a teenager! I don't want you up in all my business!!" I spat back.

"I only care about you and want what's best for you!!" my mom began raising her voice. It was no longer stern, it was shaky. I never fought with her like this.

"What's BEST for me is for you to leave me alone!!" Tears began to invade her eyes and I felt her grip loosen a little.

"Summer, do you know how lucky you are to have a mother, and a family, that cares about you. There are some kids in this world that would die for that." She let go of my arm and walked to her bedroom.

I turned around to see Hunter standing in the doorway.

"Summer.." he began to say something, but I didn't stay around to hear the rest.

I was fighting back the tears in my eyes as I pushed past him and ran up the stairs. I slammed the door to my room shut and locked it. Laying on my bed I finally let the tears take over.

I knew my mother was right, but what she said only made me think of Ryan more. Ryan was one of those kids. He would probably die to have his mother back in his life. I pictured his portrait from art and my sobs increased.

Why did I have to care for him so much? Why did I have to argue with my mother when I knew she was right? Why was I such a hard person to deal with? Why. Why. Why. I shoved my face in my pillow and screamed. I don't know if anybody in the house heard me, but if they did, they left me alone.

Sobbing into my pillow I laid there until finally my hiccups were the only thing left.

I looked at the clock and it was six o'clock. Everybody usually went to sleep around 10:30, so I picked up a book on the floor and began reading it.

~*~*~

Five hours later I actually finished the book, but I couldn't tell you what it was about. My mind was far away.

I walked quietly over to my doorway and peeked out into the hallway. Everything was dark and quiet, so I assumed it was safe. I tiptoed down the stairs and into the kitchen.

The full moon lit up the kitchen, and on the counter I found a plate of warm food. Once my parents realized I had been sneaking down to eat, they had been leaving me a plate of food on the counter.

I was eating some mashed potatoes when I heard the floor creak. I stayed still wondering what it could be, until a dark figure came through the doorway. My heart skipped a beat until I realized it was only Hunter. I looked down at my food and continued eating.

"How's my cooking? Sorry, no leftovers tonight," he said taking the seat next to me. I looked up at him in surprise.

"You've been leaving the food?" I asked barely audible. He nodded. We sat in silence a moment. "Thank you," I whispered, surprising myself that I spoke up.

"Hey, I know what it's like, being stressed. Plus, I gotta watch out for my lil sis, whether I like it or not," he joked, cracking smile. It actually made me smile too, for the first time in a week.

"Wait," I said. "How did you know I was stressed out?"

He shrugged again. "Like I said, I know how it feels. You react the same way I do." I looked at him confused. "Remember last year when I was so irritable and I never wanted to come to any family things?" he asked, trying to jog my memory.

"Ohhhh, yeah," I said finally remembering. "That was when we first got Max! I was so excited, but you wanted nothing to do with him."

"Yeah, sorry about that by the way. Well, I was stressed out about what I was going to do after high school. Everybody kept asking me, and I had no idea," he admitted to me.

"Really? Wow.. I'm sorry. I never even-" Hunter cut me off.

"Don't be sorry, it's fine. You didn't know," he said looking down awkwardly.

"These mashed potatoes are really good," I said changing the subject.

Hunter smiled, "Well, maybe my future is in cooking!"

I looked over at the "instant potatoes" wrapper still laying on the counter. He followed my eyes and we both laughed.

"Okay, so maybe not quite," he admitted.

"Ya think? Haha, you want some?" I said holding up a spoon full. He opened his mouth and I shook my head, feeding him like a baby.

"These are good!!" he exclaimed, finding another spoon.

We sat in the kitchen talking and eating the potatoes until one in the morning. I had to admit, Hunter made me feel so much better.

We walked upstairs and he was about to go into his room, but I stopped him. I walked over to him and hugged him tightly.

"Thanks. I'm lucky to have a brother like you," I whispered.

He hugged me back. "Anytime, Sis." He hesitated, then added. "I love you."

"I love you too, bro," I said before heading to my own room.