Lost in You

~Five~

"Come on! This way!" Ryan yelled. I was doing my best to keep up with him through the thick brush of the forest. Apparently, my best wasn't very good because I still tripped about a thousand times.

"Wait up!" I called to Ryan who was way ahead of me. He looked back just in time to see me trip over a log and fall face first into the dirt. He hurried back to me.

"Alright, come on tumble weed," he said, helping me up, but laughing at the same time.

"Where are we going?" I whined.

"I have no idea," he answered simply. My face must have showed my shock because his faced looked amused. "Hop on," he said motioning for me to get on his back.

"Are you sure?" I asked. I didn't want to make him carry me, but I didn't know how much farther I could walk without seriously injuring myself.

"Just get on," he said laughing at me.

"If you say so." I jumped onto his back as we continued to walk through the forest.

It didn't take long before we found a grassy clearing in the woods. We were laying on our backs, in the tall grass, cloud watching. It was quite funny when I kept finding various Disney characters. Ok, I admit, I was a sucker for Disney movies!

"Look at that one! It's young Simba!!" I shouted pointing at a cloud above our head.

"No way!" Ryan said laughing along with me.

I turned on my side to face him as he closed his eyes and relaxed. I was mesmerized just by looking at him. His tanning skin against his dark blue sweatshirt, the slow rising and falling of his chest, the way he was perfectly still, except for his breathing, like he was in Heaven. He must have felt my eyes exploring his body because he opened his eyes and looked at me. For a minute we just sat there still, looking into each others eyes. I couldn't get over how deep his eyes were. They looked like the ocean where you could see two thousand feet down but never get a glimpse of the floor.

He glanced up at the sky, then back to me. "I like that one," he said pointing to an odd cloud in the mix.

"What is it?" I asked, not being able to decipher the shape.

"I don't know. It looks undefined," he sighed. "It can be anything you imagine."

I thought about what he said for a long time. Then, for some unknown reason, I remembered his drawing from the other day. I sat up and looked down at him. He looked so peaceful, lying there in the sun.

"Ryan?" I started tentatively. I wasn't sure how he would react, and  I didn't want to ruin his mood. However, my worried curiosity overcame me.

"Yeah?" he said sitting up with me.

I wasn't sure how to ask him about his drawing, so I just came right out and asked. "Why did you draw yourself like that?" I asked quietly. My eyes never left his own. At first his eyes turned dark and guarded. He made  no attempt to answer yet, but he didn't turn away. He held my gaze as he looked conflicted. What about? I have no idea. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" I whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear.

Ryan took a deep breath, "My mother passed away when I was six. Yesterday was ten years since the day she passed." He sighed and I could almost see a weight lifted off his shoulders. "Things have just been.. hard, with my dad, since she left us."

I sat motionless, remembering my own experience losing a loved one, Camryn. I knew from my own experience that sympathy is not what he wanted. In fact, that's probably why he hasn't told anybody. So I moved to sit only inches from him and I laid a tentative arm around him shoulders.

I was fully prepared for him to retreat and to walk away any second, but he didn't. Instead, he just sat there, unflinching, staring down at the grass. I watched as his eyes turned a darker blue than i've ever seen them, a new depth in the ocean. A tear slid down his cheek. I was surprised when he didn't wipe it away. He just sat there letting me whisper comforting words to him.

I have never seen him this vulnerable before. I wished there was something I could do to help him, but I knew there wasn't. Maybe if I told him my own story, he would know he's not alone.

"Ryan?" He sniffled and looked up at me for the first time. I wiped the tear away with my thumb and put my hand on his shoulder. "I know there's probably nothing I can do to make you feel better, but I do know how you feel. I lost my best friend a couple years ago to a car accident." I've never talked to anybody about Camryn's accident before, not even my own mother.

He stayed quiet for a few minutes before finally speaking. "Thanks," he mumbled.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"For.. I don't even know. Everything, I guess. I've never been able to talk to somebody about my.." he looked pained, "mom."

I leaned over and wrapped my arms around Ryan. I felt like he was about to fall apart and needed someone to just hold him together. "Anytime."

I pulled back out of the hug and layed back on the grass. Ryan did the same. We continued to lay there in a comfortable silence.

"We should probably be heading back," Ryan said as the sun began to lower and a sunset appeared.

"Right. Uh. Do you remember which way to go?" I asked. Ryan's face went from calm to alarmed, just like that.

I was starting to panic now, I had only lived her a few days, I definitely could not find my way around in a forest.

Ryan put a mischievous smile on his face. "Gotchya!" he yelled pulled me onto his back and racing through the forest.

I screamed as he ran dangerously fast through the trees and shrubs. After a while though, I relaxed and laughed while Ryan picked his way through the trees.

We finally found the house and Ryan ran in, dropping me on the couch. I was still laughing as he sat down in a chair adjacent to me. My brother walked in from the kitchen to see what the commotion was.

Hunter stopped in the doorway and glanced at me, then at Ryan, then back at me. "This is Ryan. Ryan, this is my older brother, Hunter," I explained.

"Hi," my brother greeted, sitting next to me on the couch. I had finally controlled my laughter and sat up. At Hunter's greeting, Ryan looked at me, with a guarded expression. I nodded so slightly it was hardly noticeable, to tell him it was ok. I knew he wasn't that outgoing.

"Hey," Ryan finally replied.

"Are you gonna stay for dinner?" I asked him.

"Dinner?? What time is it?!" he asked frantically.

"Almost six," Hunter asked with a confused expression. I would like to say I knew why Ryan was so jumpy, but that would be a lie.

"I have to go," Ryan said hurrying to the front door, then stopping with his hand on the doorknob. He turned back to look at the couch where my brother and I were still sitting. "See ya, Summer. Thanks. I had a great time today. Nice to meet you, Hunter." With that, Ryan ran to his car and drove away quickly.

"What was that all about?" Hunter asked me.

"I have no idea." I was still shocked and confused about what just happened.