Recovery (Book 2)

Regretting What I Hadn't Done

Right now I'm sad.

I'm not gonna go back to my high school.

I'm gonna miss people.

I'm catching the school bus into town, seeing as I live in a rural area and there are no other buses. Even though the high school has ended for this year, the bus is still taking in primary school students.

I'm hanging with Ella and Steph, I'm not sure who else is coming. Massey might be. Idk.

I sorta realised I'll never have a relationship with Massey, even if we both wanted to. He doesn't have a phone, so we can't text, he said we could talk through Xbox live but I don't have an Xbox.

Then he said that he'd make a Facebook account just so we could talk. I offered making a Skype. But he only gets wifi when he's at his dad's place, and he doesn't go there a lot.

Over 4 hours away. I know to a lot of people that distance is small. But if I'm in Auckland and he's still here by the mountains, it seems like a lot.

I'm not looking forward to the weekend. Friday night and Saturday night I have to stay at my mothers.

I know heaps of people say they hate their parents. I literally hate my mother.

I mean, she had a hard upbringing. She was beaten up by her father, put into foster care as a teenager. But she was gonna get into university. She was accepted into university. But then she got pregnant. With me.

She didn't know she was pregnant until a few months later, when she realised she hadn't had her period.

I'm a mistake.

Even if I ask my mum if she regrets having me, she never answers. She never says she wants me.

Even though I don't get along with my dad, I still have a special connection with him.

I refuse to be in the same room as my mother.

When she came to our house, I stayed in my room for 10 hours.

She came into my room.

"Hi sweetie." She said, walking in, leaving my door open. My parrot, Lola lives in my room, so I have to keep the door shut otherwise the cat gets in.

"Shut the door." I said blankly. She shut it. Then she went over to Lola.

My mother is not a bird person. I love birds. Lola is a shy bird, and will attack you if she doesn't know or trust you.

Lola started screeching and trying to fly away from my mum, but Lola was in her cage seeing as I'm trying to get her used to being in a cage for when we move.

"Mum, leave her alone." I said, watching her try to touch my bird.

"I'm just letting her get used to me." She claimed.

"No mother, you're terrorising my parrot. I said leave her alone." I said assertively.

She then sat down on my bed. I was sitting on my bed trying to play minecraft pe on a server. Key word her is 'trying'.

She kept looking over my shoulder, which I HATE.

"Do you want me to leave?" She asked.

It was a simple question, but hard to answer. Parents shouldn't ask their children that. So I didn't answer. She got up and left.

She acts like she's done nothing wrong.

She acts like it's everyone else's fault.

She was the one who had an affair.
She was the one who abducted me and my sister from our home in Auckland.
She was the one who lied to us so we'd stay with her.
She was the one who got addicted to drugs.
She was the one who put our lives in danger.
She was the one who got arrested.
She was the one who caused my depression, she was the one who caused me to cut. She was the one who triggered my anorexia in the first place, and she was the one who helped destroy my life.

11/12/2015