Recovery (Book 2)

How

28/1/2016

My dad saw one of my cuts today.

It wasn't too bad though, it was like a misunderstanding.

There are lots of Mosquitos where I live now, so I get heaps of mosquito bites and stuff, which itch like crazy.

A friend had once shown me a trick, which oddly works. You get a pin or something, and just lightly scratch the letter X on it, and it stops itching.

I scratched a bit too hard and ended up with an X on my leg.

You can faintly see it in the photo above, it's 11pm so it's pretty dark. The flash on my phone is shit. I got Wattpad working on my phone again, barely.

He asked what it was, and I explained how I scratched it. Here's what he said:

"Well, you don't want to look like some sadistic kid that tries to hurt themselves."

Oh my freaking gosh, it's like he's blind.

That just motivates me to hide my scars better.

My mum's coming up tomorrow, luckily there's a lock on my sleepout so I don't have to worry about her coming in and going through all my stuff like she always does.

She freaking goes onto my iPad and reads my messages, like wtf?!

My password is pretty basic, have had it for 3 years, ever since I got it. All devices in my family use that passcode, except for my phone, which is 7462. Hey, it's not like you can get access to my phone. Everything else, including my dad's phone, sister's phone, their iPads etc have the password 8954, which was the first four numbers of our old landline. I don't even think we have a landline set up here yet. No wifi yet either. Possibly not for 4 months while they set up fibre optic cables underground, which gives us faster wifi.

But my mum is like the worlds biggest snoop. When I go to get a drink or go toilet or something, it's like she instantly teleports into my room to go through my stuff. Has she ever heard of this magical word, called PRIVACY?!

But like I said, I can lock her outside so I should be okay. Just might have to explain why I'm locking her out. I think parents can get annoyed if their children lock them out.

BUT today was also very awesome too.

I started playing the flute in 2009, at the age of 8. Wait. 7. A month before I was 8.

I've always loved the flute. Music, my release. I play the trumpet too, but I started that in 2013, and I enjoy the flute much more.

I've never owned my own flute, seeing as my family doesn't have a lot of money even though we manage to have iPad's and iPhones. (my iPad was needed for me to get into this advanced class at school, my dad won his iPad and my sisters iPad was only $300, when it's worth $700. My dad's phone was a present from his parents, mine was about $70 or something off his friend and my sister's was $150)

My grandparents are absolutely loaded with cash (they live in the biggest house of the Waikato region, the rich bastards). They've never helped us out, or anything like that.

My grandad was a top dressing pilot. One of the top 5 in the country. Jensen him being rich. But in December 2012 his plane malfunctioned and he was almost killed, him surviving on a legit 1% chance of survival. I think it was 4% he'd survive the crash, 20% he'd make it to the hospital and 1% chance he'd survive all the operations to keep him alive. They told him he'd never walk again. They said he'd probably be in a wheel chair forever. But 3 years later, he's defied all odds and can walk. He needs crutches, he can't walk very well, but he can walk.

Hired instruments are never any good. I think I've had 4 or 5 different flutes throughout the years. All been cheap, crap ones.

My grandparents said they'd buy me a flute for my 13th birthday. I'm 14 now.

Yamaha is the best brand of flute. My grandad agreed to give me $600 NZD towards my flute, saying he'd extend that price within reason.

We went to a music shop today and found a Yamaha flute. They let me try it out. It was absolutely beautiful. I'd never seen a brand new flute before. It was so shiny. Hired flutes are always crap, every single one I've had has been terrible.

But the Yamaha was amazing. I didn't want to let it go. But the price was pretty high.

$1000

But that's how much it's worth.

The guy said by the way I played that flute, I should be aiming for a silver flute soon, worth around $4000. I think I'll stick to the $1000 one thanks.

Tomorrow we're gonna ring my grandad and see if he can get me the $1000 one. He's pretty good with keeping his word though. He said he'd get me a flute, he'll get me a flute. Even if it's over a year late.

If he says it's too much, I'll ask if I can skip the presents for the next few years. My grandparents favourite is my sister, her presents always costing almost double mine, but my grandad has always had a soft spot for me and my music. No one in our family is musically talented AT ALL, except for my Uncle Frank, my granddad's brother who passed away quite a while back.

He was the most amazing man on a piano. I can't remember him very well, I was little, but he had a prickly face, glasses, a half bald head and was very tan. He smiled when he talked, and he didn't seem to like kids much, but he always used to take me into his music room and let me play on his grand piano.

The first time I ever played the flute in public was at his funeral. I'm crying now as I remember this. He always loved Beethoven, his favourite composer. Beethoven is my favourite composer too, I actually had a bird named Beethoven, or Bee for short.

I played a simple version of 'Ode to Joy' at his funeral, a simplified version of Beethoven's. I had only played the flute for a few months. That being said, I can now play complicated versions of that piece.

Whenever I play that song I think of him.

I haven't played the flute since around September/October, since I borrowed one from my old school. Same with the trumpet.

We'll keep on hiring the trumpet (once we get enough money) cause we can't afford a trumpet as well.

I just can't wait till I get a flute. Hopefully I can get the Yamaha, I have $250 saved up that I would put towards it if I'm not allowed to spend $1000. Fingers crossed.

I wanna start playing it again. I miss it so bad. It's like missing a part of me.