My best friend is Dan Howell (danisnotonfire/Dan Howell fanfiction)

Brooke

After we moved all of the boxes into the flat, I told the boys that tonight we could maybe have dinner together or something but right now I need some time to think. I slouch down against a wall and rub my face with my hands.

Dan. Dan Howell. My best friend from when I was younger, my crush. Lives right next door to me. What are the odds of that? What are the freaking odds! I mean I don't hate it, but I don't love it either. I'm only worried that I'll fall in love with him. I know that's really stupid but I do. I fear that if I fall for him, it will end up like my last relationship.

I mean I know Dan would never do what Andrew did to me, but it has left me scared to be in any relationship.

~flashback~

I sit in the bathroom that's attached to mine and Andrew's bedroom. The voices in my head are back again. I hate them. They cause me to think things that I wish I didn't believe were true. I haven't reached the point to where I want to harm myself, but I sit in the bathroom and sob sometimes. Usually once a week. I always pray to god that Andrew doesn't walk in on me. He not really the sympathetic kind.

Today was different though. It seems that the more the voices scream in my head, the more I cry. I usually sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes at the most, and I do it while Andrew is at work. Today though, I don't know why but I waited. I waited too long and by time I was in the bathroom, Andrew had come home.

I didn't hear him walk through the door, and he didn't say anything either. I didn't think anyone was home. Soon enough the door to the bathroom swings open and there is Andrew staring at me crippled on the floor.

I quickly raise my head from my knees and stand up. Like I said before, he's not the sympathetic kind. He knows I suffer from depression but he thinks it a way to cry for attention. "What the hell are you doing?" He has anger in his face and I cower back against the wall as his voice is very loud and scary. "N...nothing." I stammer. He doesn't seem to buy it. "Is this one of your stupid cries for attention? Do you think sitting on the bathroom floor is going to get you attention?! No! It isn't! How often do you do this?" His voice is really loud. I say in a weak voice "Could you maybe talk a bit quieter, I don't want the..." He cuts me off, "Shut up!" he screams even louder. "Answer the god damn question! How often do you do this!" I slowly move to the corner by the shower. "Only today." He stomps his foot, "Bullshit!" I feel my self start to cry again. He begins to talk quieter, but he still has an evil, angry tone in his voice. "Awe how cute, you think crying is going to help you here? Well your wrong. Your a little brat and I was planning on breaking up with you anyways. I don't need someone that's a needy little shit like you." Anger runs through me and I finally find my voice, "WELL GOOD I DON'T NEED SOMEONE THAT IS AN ASSHOLE LIKE YOU! I HATE YOU!" I scream him as loud as I can and I don't care if the neighbors hear me. I stomp out of the bathroom and push Andrew aside. I quickly shove everything into a suitcase I found laying by the bed and stormed out. As I grab the door handle, Andrew grabs my waist and stops me. He turns me around and gives me a clearly fake pout. He strokes my arm and I flinch at his touch. "Babe where are you going?" He said it in that sweet yet fake tone of voice and it disgusted me. I feel anger rage in me again and I push him away as hard as I can. He falls back, and I scream at him for the second time "I'm getting as far away from you as possible!" and I slam the door and run down the stairs.

~ end of flashback~

I feel like I'm about to start crying just remembering the memory. I really did hate him. I don't know why I stayed with him for so long, I was miserable. I would never go back with Andrew even if he did change. That was a year ago though and I doubt he has hardly changed at all.

I wipe away the tear that had slid down my cheek. I looked at my phone and realized that it was almost six o'clock. Shit, I told Dan and Phil we could go and get something to eat at six. I quickly jump up and run into the bathroom hauling my suitcase right behind me.