looking down (another apology.)

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dear you,
       you might be wondering why i look away or at the ground when you so happen to glance my direction, but the truth is that i got caught in a web when i looked too long. your smiles used to make my day blindingly bright but now they make them laced with the sunlight that burns away my rainy day because when i looked too long i saw who you were smiling at, her, and now this her (but mostly her and you) is becoming the bane of my existence...so now, i face the ground, at first to hide shame because i didn't  know how to talk to you but now because i am stuck here, and because i can see you before you see me out of my peripheral vision so i know not to look up. so i guess this is an apology but it's sort of a goodbye, before my skin burns like fire, but not with the embers of your starlight because this girl with a telescope was too scared to look through it, no, with the envy of that her who will end up holding your hand, the stars, and again I am here breathing in the dust of broken constellations because i waited too long, and I looked too long.

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