Glitz Gurlz on Deck

Ch. 13 - Fat Cows in Booty Shorts

Claudia saw Jessie's purple rage filled face begin to blur. She clawed the cord around her neck digging into the skin trying to get just a smidgen of room to make air but only succeeded in tightening the cord. As the grey began turning to a deep shade of black she heard a thud and immediately air returned to her empty lungs.

She clawed off the cord and rolled over coughing and sputtering to get more air into her screaming muscles. Her eyes still swam from choking but she felt Maddie grab the cord and place a water and a pill next to her which she swallowed without question.

"Benedryl for you love. That look is too hideous. I take back the Halloween costume idea. It's too gross. And please stop that gasping noise, you know how I feel about hearing people breathe. I've got to let you go now. I don't think I hit her hard enough to keep her down. I've got to tie her up before she starts moving".

Maddie left Claudia's side and wrapped the cord around Jessie's wrists. She then removed her plastic hood and the duct tape from around her own neck. She grabbed her make up wipes and started to take off her make up when someone rapped on the door.

With a heavy sigh at the sight of swollen wheezing Claudia (who obviously was making no attempt to answer it) she headed to get it herself.  It's one thing to look like the girl from the exorcist but another to be lazy.

There stood Captain hot pants. Mouth open and hands on hips looking like a member of the YMCA.

"What the hell?!? I thought, I mean, Jesus."

He barged into the room and looked around. His eyes went immediately to Jessie tied up in the middle of the room. As he walked toward her and knelt down looking for a pulse he exhaled louder than necessary glaring at Maddie.

"It's a good thing she isn't dead! I give her every detail and still she manages to screw up. Sisters, am I right? But don't worry. I've been cleaning up after her for years. I'm used to it by now."

With that, he dropped her head back on the floor with a loud vibrating thump and lunged at Maddie still holding the make up wipe in front of the mirror. Maddie saw her mirrored reflection furrow it's brow and tried to figure out exactly what her brain was registering.

Chad. (Aka Captain Hotpants) grabbed her by the hair and she felt his body press hers up against the vanity. He pinned her arms at her sides and kissed her firmly. Maddie couldn't help but notice he had eaten the fish filet for dinner. As she struggled to get away from him and his fishy breath he laughed -throwing his weight to the side and causing them both to tumble to the floor.

Maddie lifted her knees to karate kid him in the family jewels but only succeeded in hitting his upper thigh which he seemed to enjoy. He smiled maniacally and Maddie screeched hoping drool wasn't about to leak out and land in her hair.

"Before I kill you I want to let you suffer a bit" he laughed as he spoke.  Maddie couldn't help but speak in her own defense.

"Your fish breath was enough. Why on earth would you want to kill me? Your sister is an idiot. Her skill is basement level and fat girls in booty shorts is the worlds worst idea ever."

He twisted his face back into looking like a balloon animal. "Is she still on those booty shorts!  I told her only skinny girls look good in leggings and booty shorts. I agree, she is an idiot, but she's blood. What can you do?" 

His lips puckered back up and he leaned in for another kiss. Maddie shook her head side to side to thwart the pink fish smelling pucker and wondered how she ever thought he was cute in the first place.

Captain Crazy slapped her hard on the cheek and she felt her teeth jar. Her teeth were expensive (she had used Invisalign for a year to get that smile). She immediately stopped fighting fearing a chip.

As he smiled like a fat kid at a chocolate fountain Maddie saw Jessie stand up behind him with the steak knife in her hand and bring it down hard two handed behind him. With a loud "oohhppp" escaping his throat he fell to the floor.

Maddie jumped up and Claudia was swaying on her feet with a book in her hand.  The book, "Aliens VS Zombies" by Krazydiamond, was Maddie's secret binge read that kept her happy and laughing even when she had seen a full length mirror. Claudia lifted the book and clunked the rising Jessie on the head. While the noise was deafening, Jessie remained moving until she was standing.

She looked at the book, then at Maddie and Claudia, and burst into hysterical laughter. Soon Maddie and Claudia not knowing what else to do started laughing with her. It was the deep belly laughter that only comes when nothing makes sense and your brain has turned to tapioca.

When they caught their breath and wiped the tears from their eyes Claudia looked at the body of Captain Hotpants. His once white uniform was now a stark red and his face was firmly planted in the pea green shag carpeting.

"Now What?"  Claudia dared to ask.

"Now," said Jessie. "We dump his body. And get ready for tomorrow's big day. The show must go on right?"

Maddie stood with her hand on her hip and her mouth open.

"You mean, your done trying to kill me and take over the team?"

"I did want to kill you Maddie. My brother was crazy. Well, half brother, but all crazy. He couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't a leader. He only understood being in charge and never got the word no. He isn't even a Captain!  The real Captain's body is stuffed in the compost bin behind the servants quarters. He killed him before we took off and just pretended he was in charge. I was only going along with it to make him happy. But I knew nothing would ever make him happy. By the end I just went along so he wouldn't kill me."

Maddie and Claudia wrapped her up in a group hug. Maddie named her the new Co-Co Captain and together they dragged the current deceased Captain of the ship in the closet for safekeeping.

Then they left the room arm in arm to find the remaining Glitz Girl members and share a diet soda hold the soda. There was still a lot of work to do before the show.

###################
Errors- yep
Plot holes- check
Dead body- check

This chapter is a wrap!
What about the show?  Keep reading!!

Thanks to AnnWrites, krazydiamond, LeighWStuart and LizCharnes for a million hysterical comments that drove this horrible story.  Find this zany group and myself on the profile @wattcrastinators!

The book Aliens Vs Zombies by Krazydiamond is a real book on Wattpad. It's missing both plot-holes and errors but is still worth checking out. I belly laughed and so did Maddie.