[IMAGE CREDITS TO @tutoytintin]
I'm still at the verge of whether or not letting her know that I know it's her. Hirap na hirap na 'ko.
It's hard to pretend that I don't know her when all the while she's trying to claim like we're strangers. She should've just said she's making a documentary. Why does she have to do it secretly? She thinks I'd shoo her away? Then she's right.
But at least, it would be easier if she told me. I can answer her questions, and I can let her go.
Mas madali para sa aming dalawa, hindi yung gan'to.
I went out the door, because for a second or two, I've figured I wanted to try night swimming on the beach.
Seeing her door makes me yearn for her again.
I almost broke down this morning.
I should've known better than to allow myself to get to anywhere near her. Or to allow her anywhere near me. Both serve the purpose. It's hard for us to be together. She's a contented cub while I'm a yearning panther. Through this dark image I play now, I can't help but lighten up with her.
And lightening up just comes simultaneously with bringing all the memories back together. All back together up to the last harsh image of reality... which shouldn't be described as harsh because it helped her and now I know, she's in the best place she can be. She's happy. They're happy. I must be happy. I think I might be happy.
I knocked on her door, and thought right away that this is not right.
But just swimming with her won't do any harm, would it?
Or maybe we can play darts or billiards, I don't know.
Anything can do.
As long as she's with me, every place means serenity.
But ironically, it's how it feels when it shouldn't. So later on, I'd be battling with my dilemma that I should've never let her stay. That from the moment she set foot in my room and I recognized her, I should've just let her get away. Because God knows how at this very moment, I want her to be mine, I want her here, and I don't want her anywhere with anyone else but me. No healthy thoughts, I admit. And I know it's bad to want her all on my own when truly, undeniably, she's not mine, she never was, and she never will.
She's always been his.
I laid my back on her door, hearing no response as I knocked. Then it opened. I don't know why and how, it just opened.
