You're Always In My Heart

Chapter 13

The next day, the same old routine happened. Kath took care of Grace because Quen had to meet someone during that day. He went home at 4 in the afternoon and they decided to drop by Dalia’s library to return some books.

Kath has been a little bit conscious and tried hard to keep a distance from Quen, but always failed. She felt differently every time Quen would touch her hand or talk to her straight in the eyes.

Dalia invited them to the fair at the nearby town since Kath and Quen failed to attend to their own town’s fair. Both agreed to go once Manang Fe comes back. After returning the books and a little more chit chat from Dalia, they left and went home.

Kath still had trouble sleeping because of her nightmares and her new-found emotional problem.

After 2 days, it was Kath’s turn to watch over the cafe and Quen has to be left behind with Baby Gracie.

After spending the whole day at the cafe, greeting the customers, catching up with old friends, and fidgeting over her unresolved emotional conflicts the other night, Kath decided to go home first before visiting baby Grace.

She slumped down her bed as soon as she arrived in her room. Clutching her necklace, she stared unto the ceiling.

“This is hard. If only I could remember everything already, I wouldn’t be like this. I wouldn’t be worrying over things. I wouldn’t be....feeling this way,” she thought.

She shut her eyes forcefully and held her forehead, “ Kathryn.....sort this out now.”

Her eyes suddenly popped open as she immediately stood up and sat in front of her dresser.

She stared at her own reflection and sighed. She then reached for a pen and a paper.

Within a second, she started writing.

“To my husband,

                It’s been a while I guess since I last saw you...remembered you. I wish you’d just wait for me. I wish you could be patient enough to wait for me. I promised myself to try and remember you. It’s been really hard being without you. I miss you. I know lately something’s been changing.

I’m sorry if there have been times when I tend to forget you. When I don’t seem to long for you. When I become happy and when I suddenly forget you completely. I’m sorry when most of the times I would see Quen as my husband instead of you. I’m sorry when sometimes, I would think, “What if Quen were my husband?” I’m sorry. I truly am. I feel guilty everytime I get hurt and jealous because of him. I try to hate myself for feeling that way.

I thought it was only because he was my bestfriend. But lately, everything seems not to be right anymore. Like I’ve gone beyond my boundaries. Like I’ve somehow set myself free without your consent. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to forget you. I didn’t mean to feel this way. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him.

If only I could turn back time, if only I could control myself, I would’ve. You don’t know how everything’s driving me crazy right now. I’m still haunted with the memories I can’t remember.