You're Always In My Heart

Chapter 28

A/N: Please listen to the song on the side as you read. I want you guys to feel this chapter. HAHAHA It's I'm Okay by Mindy Glendhill. I was listening to it while I was writing this. Pumped up some emotions right there. Geez. Enjoy! :)

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He dropped on the staircase and weakly gazed at the beach. He closed his eyes as the chilly air of the dusk brushed against his feeble body. His eyes were slowly drying but still red. His trembling  hand clutching the 7thand 8thletter from the box.

“To my husband,

                I have always wondered where Quen’s wife is. He never told me anything about her. He never talked about her anymore. I never brought you up with him,too. Is it okay? If his wife is also somewhere you are, please say “hi” to her for me. Tell her that I will take care of Quen. But if she is not, if she is still out there, please grant my selfish wish. Please keep her away from Quen and Baby Gracie. I know. I am selfish but I don’t think I deserve to be alone again, right? I think you—leaving me is enough. I will die if someone takes Quen away from me. I hope you understand. Please don’t hate me for being like this. I just want to be happy.

                                                                                                                                                                -Kath”

“To my husband,

                How are you? I ‘m not quite sure but I’m slowly accepting the fact that you are in a better place right now. I still miss you but it’s the kind of miss that doesn’t hurt deep down inside anymore. It’s the kind of miss that reminds me of how lucky I am to be married to someone like you. Quen is here. He is always here. He never left me. I know that he loves me. He never told me but I just know. And I love him,too. I’m sorry. I don’t think there’s no point in holding it back anymore, right? I know you’ve been watching over me and I’m hoping that you saw how hard I tried to resist this. I hope you could be happy for me. I wantto start over and I want it to be with Quen. I feel better when I’m with him. I am better when I am with him. I may be in someone else’s arms right now but you—you will always be in my heart………

                                                                                                                                                                -Kath”

“To my husband,

                You came back. You came back. You’re here with me for a while now. I know I had no reason to write to you when I can just tell you everything face-to- face. But I can’t. I’m too ashamed and scared. I’m scared to tell you that I’m confused. So confused of everything. When I recovered from my depression, I knew I had this great love for you. It was undying. And now that you’re here, why do I only feel pain? Why? I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. I know I love you. I know that. But why can’t I feel it? When I see you, I get these mixed feelings of hurt, relief, and guilt. But when I see Quen, my heart flutters and I know what it means—I love him. Why can’t I have that feeling when I’m with you?  Is it because I have given all of my love to Quen and there’s nothing left to share with you? I hate myself. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve me. How can I be a wife to you when Quen is all I think about day and night? I try myself to think of you but when I close my eyes—it’s him. It’s just him on my mind. I’m going crazy but I can’t show you. I can’t tell you. I’m scared that you’ll be repulsed with my infidelity—which I definitely deserve. But I can’t have you hate me. I can’t let hatred replace the love on your eyes when you look at me. Oh God help me.