Sweet & Innocent

Make A Wish

*****

I tossed and turned all night. Finally I sit up on my bed, defeated. My mind is like a messed up jungle of thoughts. Like I can't cut through one without getting tangled up in others. And all of them finally led to Zayn. I was confused to say the least. Why did he help me? Not that I would ever ask him that! He probably won't speak to me ever again after what happened earlier and I can't blame him. And why I am so obsessed with him and what he thinks? Well the answer was clear enough, I had a little crush on him. Not that I would ever admit it, or that he cares anyway. 

I let out a long sigh and walk to my window. I don't know why, but I've always liked the night much more. Maybe because of the tranquility that only the night seems to bring. It's like the whole world is sleeping, but the stars are watching over us all, taking it all in. I looked up at the star-filled sky. A full moon was there too, like a giant family, they all looked so happy up there. No worries, no strings attached binding them to the earth.

I wish I could be like that, a simple star in the mass of a universe, where there are no secrets, no cover ups and no regrets.

You probably think I'm just an ordinary girl who just moved to Bradford. I wish I was. But it's not like that. There's a reason for my moving here, one that still haunts me in my wildest dreams and most daunting nightmares.

Him. As I thought of him a picture suddenly popped up in my head. Last spring fair, on the last day. I was wearing my favourite blue and white dress, he was drunk, slightly staggering when he posed for the picture. He had held the vodka bottle carefully behind my back. He didn't need to have worried, there was no adults around. They left straight away, blaming the bad weather. It was as if the whole world knew what was going to happen except him and me, and even the weather was making way for it.

He insisted that I went on the ghost train with him and like a little kid, he had run over and grabbed a seat pulling me down next to him. I could see his blonde hair wet from the rain, I could smell the alcohol that hung in the air around him and I could hear his laughter cutting through the thundering of the rain. But I could feel it more than anything. It was in his eyes, in his scent, it was everywhere. Fear.

Just an emotion.

A raw, blinding emotion, that paralyzes you through time with its unjustified, unreasoning terror. A chemical surging through your brain, evoking new senses, provoking new instincts, powerful enough to crush you into pieces.

 It comes without knowledge. It will creep up on you, ready to pounce; and once it has you, it will rip you into shreds, tear into your consciousness and slice through your soul.

I know it because that's what I feel now. That's what I tried so hard to get away from. But the memory is like a waiting tiger, ready to pounce on me. And I deserve it, everyday it eats away at me. Bit by bit.

It was my fault.

And it still tears me apart. Like slow poisoning; I might have got away with it, but something inside me breaks me apart every now and then. Because what I did was terrible and he's not letting me forget it. Kyle won't let me be.

***

I look out of the window of the art classroom. I was sitting on my own because the kid next to me wasn't here. I look out at where a few boys from the year above were playing football. On the field next to them was a crowd of dandelions, swaying in the wind. Almost as if they were cheering them on. As I watch, a kid I haven't seen before pick one up. She closes her eyes for a second making a wish. The wind plays with her short black hair as she screws up her eyes in concentration. I smile for a second without knowing, thinking back to a year ago when I had done exactly the same thing on a field in school.

I guess now's the right time to start telling you my story. So let's start.

PART 1

Not much of an exciting title I know. But hey, back then my life was exactly like the title. Dull and boring. This class is about to end so I better get started straight away. Best if I start with me and Sophie walking round the school fields together on a windy spring day.

********************************

"So are you going?" Sophie asks me. I look up at my best friend. I had to look up because she was so tall and I felt like a dwarf next to her.

"I don't know", I told her. And the thing is I didn't know. But it's most likely going to be a 'no' from my mum. She never lets me out anywhere. She even asks me a million questions even when I go to stay at Sophie's. So there is probably no way she'll let me go to a house party. Sophie sighed in frustration.

"Well why don't you say that you're sleeping round mine and then we can both go together?" She asked all of a sudden. I stared at her. Why hadn't she mentioned this before? I grinned to myself as this new plan sinked in. Mum would definitely let me stay round at Sophie's and I would definitely be able to go the party. After all everyone was going, not just our year but from the years above as well. I smiled at her full of new hope. That's when the dandelion caught my eye. It was standing on it's own in the field where the boys in our year played football. I took it as a sign and went over to it. I pulled it out of the earth slowly and closed my eyes, wishing that I could go. I blew it out carefully because I wanted my wish to go straight to the Heavens so it would be answered. I watched as it swam away into the light blue sky.

Little did I know it was probably that single wish that delivered me to my hateful fate.

************

At that moment the bell rang, bringing me back to the present. I watched as students swarmed past me grabbing their bags, eager to get out of the classroom as if they can't bear it a second longer. I look back to the field all of a sudden. The girl was still there. I watched secretly as she blew it out, and it too disappeared into the bright sky.

She looked up at me suddenly as if she knew I was watching. A smile tugged at the end of her lips as if she knew exactly who I was and did this on purpose to remind me.

"Olivia?" I snap back around as Rachel walks into the art classroom. I look around myself and realise that everyone else has left, leaving the teacher clearing up some paint pots in one corner. Rachel looked at me confused.

"I-I was just finishing this." I tell her pointing to my picture. I gasp. There on my paper was a dandelion, a dandelion that I obviously drew.

"It's really pretty", Rachel says looking over my shoulder. I don't reply, too bewildered by the whole situation. When did I start drawing a dandelion? I turn back to look at the field for the girl but there was no one there. It was really windy out there now so that most people were starting to go back in.

As I watch a dandelion flies through the air, its little puffs separating as it battles the wind. In my mind I quietly make a wish and walk out of the classroom with Rachel by my side.