Don't Say You Love Me More

Part 10

Juliette's POV

One whole week passed without anything happening.

Since the day Adam and I found Matty and called the ambulance all I basically did, was sitting in my lonely flat. I had a lot of time to think about this whole shit. I hadn't heard from Matty or any of the others during this week as well, except for one message by Ross telling me that Matty was home again.

That was it; just a simple "Matty's home with us again" but I was thankful for that message, more than Ross would ever know.

But apart from that I also didn't plan to ever make contact with the boys again. As much as it hurt my soul, and I can tell it did, so much that I almost broke under it, I made the decision that all of this messed up shit finally had to come to an end. Since I met Matty my entire life was just chaos: I took way too many drugs again, had pushed everyone away from me, lost my job and actually had nothing left than this apartment and the few pieces of furniture around me.

The first days I just cried, I felt so helpless and guilty like never before in my life. Then after all the tears seeped away a little I realized that I had to change something.

I needed a brand new start.

In a new town, far away from here. With this decision everything would change, and maybe one day I would have a chance to forget about everything that happened here.

I started packing my stuff two days ago, full of hope and dynamism. Never in my life had I been more determined to do something. But as I was finished and saw all the cartons standing in the big room I started to have doubts. And they came so sudden and overwhelming that I immediately sat down next to the couch and started crying all over again.

This is how I stayed the last two days, sitting next to the couch on the bare ground and watching television. Sometimes I still cried but all in all I felt so depressed that I didn't even know if would ever find the strength to stand up again. Throughout the last day a few bottles of wine had also found their way to me and my new best friend the sofa.

I could also just lay here for the rest of my life...

The longer I thought about this opportunity the better it actually sounded to me...

It already got dark outside again, and I was just about to fall asleep, as the doorbell rang. I slowly stood up, feeling my headaches more intense than in the last hours, and walked over to the door. Probably this would be the renter who I already told that I would move away from here. I stumbled through the dark before pulling the door open.

"Matty?", I asked with obvious confusion.

"Hey J", he said and showed a slight smile.

A thousand feelings literally exploded in my chest and I could do nothing but standing here and staring at him, completely stunned.

"May I come in?" His voice was soft and somehow sounded ...understanding.

"Of course" I said shyly.

As he walked past me and into the flat I noticed how good he looked – he wore a pair of black jeans combined with a white t-shirt and a dark blue jeans jacket. I suddenly felt ashamed for looking so wasted. He casually looked to the packed cartons and then back to me.

"You're planning something big?"

Matty's smile literally molt my heart.

He suddenly came over to me, wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me so close to him that I could smell this mixture of weed, cigarettes and well...simply Matty that I had been missing so badly. Feeling him so close to me again addled my mind completely.

"Why don't you say anything?" He whispered into my ear.

"What are you doing here?" I finally managed to say, breathing in his smell with every breath that I took.

"I just needed to see you."

Matty's hand tenderly stroke my face and then moved to my neck, while his eyes focused mine with so much love and trust that I almost couldn't stand it. Although only the fact that he was in the same room as I stirred my blood I also felt like I didn't deserve this.

Like I didn't deserve him.

Then he put his head so close to mine that my nose nearly touched his and I automatically closed my eyes as he kissed me softly. It felt so pure like one of our first kisses and prompted the first real emotions I had in a while.

" I love you", I found myself saying.

He kissed me again. And again. His kisses were now full of passion, trust and love.

"I love you more", he whispered.

For a while we just stood there finally enjoying our kisses and the presence of each other again. This was not the time to talk about the mess we've created or about what we're going to do in the future. This moment was just about us.

Then I finally decided to end our kissing and took a step back from him, but not without still holding his hand. I smiled at him, looked into his beautiful eyes and simply pulled him to the doorway of my bedroom. Neither I nor Matty said a word as we walked over to my bed. Then he put his hands around my waist and scooped me up frivolously. He casually dropped me on my bed and the climbed on the mattress as well.

Matty pulled his shirt off before placing his body right above mine. I lay on my back while he supported himself with his hands on the bed left and right from my head. We started kissing again. While I felt waves of euphoria and happiness floating through my body I noticed how much he still meant to me. And the thought of just running away and leaving him behind, suddenly felt so ridiculous.

In this night we took our time and experienced each other slowly, but deeper than ever before. At first we just kissed and I enjoyed every second of his lips, pressed against mine so much that I never wanted him to stop. This night was just for us, just for the feeling of his body so close to mine.

Of his warmth, his love and passion.

It was as if nothing bad had happened so far, almost as if we were strangers just created for each other. It all felt so innocent, so pure and overwhelming at the same time though. After a while then my hands moved down to his jeans that I opened within a second. I pulled his trouser down a bit as Matty took his left arm around my waist and pulled me up, so that we sat opposite each other on my bed. We stopped kissing for a second as he doffed of his jeans.

Afterwards he grabbed my t-shirt and pulled it over my head. I laid my hand on his neck and kissed him again hot-blooded. Now I felt Matty's finger stroking over my breast which sent a shiver through my body while he kissed my cheek, then my forehead and the rest of my face.

"Fuck me" I moaned.

Then he kissed me on my mouth again, this time wildly and keen for more.