Like Before (Niall Horan)

Chapter Twenty-Two: Just Let It Go

The hate hadn't slowed down. It felt like it just kept getting worse and worse. I couldn't handle this. I knew how I could get this to stop. Whether I wanted it to get to me or not, it had and I had to do something about it. I never should have started something I knew wouldn't work.

Steph may be able to handle the hate but I couldn't. I couldn't just brush it off like her. Not when it was so personal. Why couldn't they just leave me alone?

After I got home from work, I went up to my room to log onto Skype. I knew what I was going to do. I had to end this, no matter how much it hurt. I had to stop the hate. I had to take my life back into my control.

"Alix, hey. How was your day, love?" He asked and I could already feel my eyes watering. Niall's face dropped into a worried expression.

"It was alright, how was yours?" I asked back.

"What's wrong?" I could see the worry in Niall's eyes and I had to look away, so I chose a spot on my wall to stare at.

"Niall, we have to talk." I told him.

"What's going on?" Niall asked and I heard the worry in his voice now too. I had to do this. I had to do this before he changed my mind.

"Niall, I'm sorry, but I can't be with you anymore." I blurted out and I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I wiped at it with the back of my hand and then dropped my hand back into my lap.

"What are you talking about Alix? Of course you can. Its only seven days and I'll be there."

"I can't do this Niall. I can't have people hating me and bringing my personal life into this. Its not fair to me. I'm sorry."

"Alix, I love you. Don't do this."

"I love you and this is hard for me too. I want to be with you but I can't Niall. I can't do this with all that comes along with it. I can't let myself get hurt the way this is hurting me. I just can't do this. Its too much."

"Alix, I can help. You just have to talk to me. We can help."

"What can you do? Tweet out saying not to hurt me, you can't do that. They won't listen. They don't care because they think you don't see it. And if you do respond to them, it doesn't matter what they said to get your attention, they got it. No matter what, they win."

"They only win if we give up on each other."

"I'm not giving up on you Niall," I started, "I'm giving up on something that never would have worked anyway. We're just too different." I needed him to understand that I couldn't do this. I couldn't handle all of this. It was slowly killing me and I needed to let go of it.

"Are you listening to yourself? Alix we're perfect!"

"Perfection doesn't exist. And Niall we aren't anything anymore. I can't do this." My voice had gone cold and detached. I had to make him understand.

"Alix please."

"Niall, just please leave me alone." I told him and hung up on the Skype call before he had a chance to say anything to get me to change my mind. This was the best thing for us to do. We weren't right for each other and someday he would realize that too. 

I pushed my laptop to the edge of my bed and let myself curl up and cry. This was the first break up I'd ever experienced and it hurt a lot. It hurt a lot more than I had expected it to and that was me breaking up with him. I would never want to feel how bad a break up was if I had been the one being broken up with.

My phone lit up and I grabbed it. "Hello?" I asked.

"Alix, we have to talk about this." The Irish accent came through my phone.