I Thought You Said Forever...

f i v e

Shawn sat on my bed with me and we were talking about our lives and like normal, Justin came up in the conversation. "He's gonna leave you." Shawn said. "Oh my gosh Shawn! How many times am I gonna hear that??? I mean, I've heard a million times!!! Why do you keep reminding me???" I yelled. "So you don't think he's coming back either?" Shawn asked. A tear fell down my cheek. "Just shut up." I whispered. Shawn scooted closer and then said softly,"I wanna protect you." I rolled my eyes and then looked at him and asked,"Protect me? You can't protect me. You're not my boyfriend or dad. You're a friend Shawn ok? Just a friend. You can barely protect yourself." He got really quiet and just stared at the wall. He got up and headed for the door but I shot up and grabbed his arm. "Shawn wait!" I yelled. "For what??? For you to change??? Cause it's not happening and it never will!!!" He yelled louder. "I'm sorry!" I yelled. "Yeah. You're sorry." He scoffed. "Why are you the mad one??? You're the one who brings up Justin EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAVE!!!!" I screamed. "MAYBE ITS JUST CAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BECAUSE WHEN I SEE YOU HURT A PART OF ME DIES INSIDE!!!!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. I looked at him shocked and confused. "You...love me?" I asked. He looked away but I grabbed his jaw making him look at me. Then we leaned in and kissed. He wrapped his arms around me and we kissed for a while. Then I pulled away. What have I done.... I started freaking out. "What's wrong?" Shawn asked. "What did I do? What did you do???" I asked. "What do you mean?" (😛) Shawn asked. "Justin is never gonna love me again. He's gonna think I hate him. He's gonna never wanna be with me again!!!" I yelled. "What are you talking about? Why would he hate you?" Shawn asked. "YOU IDIOT!!! I KISSED YOU!!!! HES GONNA TEAR ME APART!!!" I screeched. Shawn shook his head angrily and ran away. I fell to my knees and sobbed. The pain never stops.

I fumbled everything on my dresser around and then found my phone and grabbed it. I dialed Justin's number and called it but no answer. I paced around the room with my hand on my mouth. Then I started knocking everything in my room down on to the floor. "IM ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU JUSTIN BUT YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME!!!!" I screamed even though he would never hear me. I screamed and then fell on my bed and fell apart.