Hello

How It Felt Before

Jace woke up to a phone call from his parabatai. Once upon a time, this was not uncommon. Once upon a time, hearing a teary Alec saying he made a huge mistake was his morning alarm. It's been ten years since the last call at 6 AM.

"Alec? What's wrong?" His voice was still groggy, and ever so quiet as Clary was asleep next to him.

"He came to my house yesterday. It's been twelve years since...but he came... By the Angel, Jace, what am I supposed to do about this?" With a roll of his eyes, Jace got up out of bed. This was likely to take some time.

"He, as in..." He hated to ask, but he needed to, needed to make Alec say his name. Alec needed to face this.

"Magnus fucking Bane," Alec spit out. Jace thought there was the faint chance that Alec was drunk.

"Does Chris know that your ex-boyfriend has decided that he wants you back in his life?" Jace asked Alec. It was never good to get Alec to dwell on emotions, not while he was in such a vulnerable state.

"Probably. Ashleigh answered the door, and Rory came home while he was there. Angel knows that those kids can't keep a thing from their mother, and she hates me with a passion, so it's likely that she told Chris. Jace, what if I lose Chris? What if I lose my kids?" Alec was certainly drunk. He never rambled like this otherwise.

"Alec, forget about losing Chris. The man adores you. He married you, after all." Jace didn't even mention Ashleigh and Rory. That would be too cruel.

"I know he married me. I married him. And it was beautiful. He was beautiful. And little Ashleigh, walking hand in hand with Rory, they were so happy. But I couldn't help but think what Magnus would be able to do for a wedding." The Angel knew that Jace hated boy talk. He hated being this sappy with anyone other than Clary. He hated it, but he got used to it, because for two years, Alec needed him to be okay with it. Alec needed him, and that was enough for Jace to say what needed to come next.

"Alec, I gave Magnus your address. I have been watching him destroy himself because you were not at his side. He loves you. And you love him," Jace said.

"But I love—"

"Yes, I know that you love Chris, but you love Magnus, too. You wouldn't be this broken up about it otherwise. I can't tell you what to do next, Alec. But Magnus will be at your house again tomorrow. He will be there and try to win you back. If he does, well, that is up to you," Jace told Alec and then hung up.

Alec wasn't actually drunk. He just wanted to know what Jace really thought.

The next morning, the sound of birds chirping was drowned out by the whooshing of traffic. By the time that Alec woke up, Chris and Rory were already gone. Ashleigh was dancing in the kitchen, as she sang her favorite song, making herself breakfast. Alec thought, as he watched her, that he would miss this. He didn't realize until then that he had already made his choice.

"Hey Ash, can you make me some eggs?" he called out to his daughter. She spun around to face him. Her smile as she laughed was the most beautiful thing Alec had ever seen.

"Of course daddy," she said. Alec grinned.

"Thanks, baby girl. I'll be in the library. We'll eat, then train, alright?" She laughed and nodded. Alec laughed and hugged the girl. It felt like the last time that such bliss would be his. Then there was a knock at the door.

"I got it, you cook," Alec told his daughter, stepping out of her embrace. Alec took a deep breath as he walked to the door and another as he opened it.

"Hello, may I speak to Alexander—" Magnus began before seeing that it was Alec who opened the door.

"I thought that you were going to leave me be?" Alec asked, looking into his cat eyes.

"I was, but then I saw this," Magnus whispered, handing Alec the notebook from all those years ago. Once again, Alec took it in his hands. He flipped through the yellowed pages.

"I was a moron," Alec said, "I should have taken this and read through everything that night." That caught Magnus's attention.

"What?" He asked quickly.

"I should have told you I loved you and taken your hands and never let go," Alec continued, "that's what I wanted to do, actually." that part he was admitting to himself as much as to Magnus.

"Then why didn't you?" Magnus asked. Alec laughed, running a hand through his hair.

"I was scared. I was an 18 year old boy who had just barely survived two wars. My sister had just had her heart broken. I had just gotten mine shattered. You almost died on me, Magnus,"

"I was alive," Magnus replied, "and offered you my life. Everything that I was and am. And I might still come to regret this, but it's yours. If the fact that I could not function when you left that night is any indication, that is not about to change." Alec laughed. This was all so surreal. Between them, it was always all or nothing.

"By the Angel, Magnus, I wish I could still be yours. I'm married. I have kids. I never thought that I would ever be able to say either of those things, and now I'm wishing that I didn't have to," Alec said, mostly under his breath.

"Hey, daddy, where are you? Food's done!" Ashleigh called out from the kitchen. Alec looked up at Magnus—he was still taller than Alec—and had a slightly brilliant idea.

"Would you like to come meet, actually meet, my daughter?" he asked Magnus, who smiled and nodded. Alec could have sworn that he saw glitter dance down to the sidewalk. The two men walked into the house.

"Ash, I'm in the library with a guest," Alec called out to her. She went silent, but her feet still danced across the floor. When she reached the library, she saw Magnus and grinned.

"Hello, mister. I'm sorry I don't have food for you, too, but I wasn't expecting you," she said as she handed Alec his eggs.

"Ashleigh, isn't it?" Magnus asked. She nodded. "Well, you are very pretty. I'm sure your parents are proud."

"Mom's proud that I'm pretty. Dad and daddy are more proud that I'd be able to kick your ass," Ashleigh said while laughing. Magnus chuckled.

"Ash, language. And, no, you wouldn't be able to. I can't," Alec said, glancing over at Magnus.

"That's because you never actually tried, Alexander," Magnus whispered back. Ashleigh looked between Magnus and her father.

"Well, I'll leave you two. I have a book that I want to finish reading," she said, dancing out of the library. Alec tried to hide a grin, but looking over at Magnus, he couldn't help it. He started laughing, and shortly after, Magnus joined him.

"I never really tried? What's that supposed to mean?" Alec asked once the giggles stopped

"We were always fighting on the same side," Magnus told him. Alec thought about everything that the two had gone through, and realized that it was true.

"I really was an idiot," Alec said.

"No, you weren't. You wanted safe. I'm not safe," Magnus told him. Alec tilted his head to the side, considering if he really wanted to do this. With a sigh and a grin, Alec said,

"Fuck safe," and launched himself into a kiss with the warlock. Magnus's arms closed around Alec, and the world made sense again.