Hello

It Don't Matter

Chris wished that he could be mad at Alec. He really wished that he could be. But he wasn't. He was numb. It was as though Alec had taken his heart and tore it away, taking all emotion with it. Chris was all logic now and all he cared about understanding was how and why. He wanted the details, even though he knew they were going to burn worse than rubbing alcohol on a fresh cut. And so, he walked into the room where his son was shouting at his husband.

Rory's hands were balled up into fists, though still at his side. That was something rare: Rory holding back his temper.

"You say you love dad, but why? Why Magnus? How do you even know Magnus? You never go to the Institute!" Rory shouted, not noticing his father walk into the room. Alec sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Chris saw pain in Alec's eyes and that he understood. But right now, he decided that sympathy would not be his choice. In a quiet voice that was very unlike him, Chris said,

"Answer him." Alec and Rory both turned to face him in the doorway. Alec groaned loudly, then slouched his shoulders in defeat.

"Rory, please go," he said to his son. Rory glanced at Chris who just nodded. Rory shot one more glare in Alec's direction, then walked out.

The room was cold though Alec could have sworn that it was warm just moments before. From down the hall, Alec could hear his children dealing with this in their own ways. Ashleigh's music playing loudly and Rory throwing blades at walls. The familiarity of their coping mechanisms put Alec at ease. Then he realized that he had no right to be at ease.

"Answer the questions, Alexan—Alec," Chris said, hating that even now, he adhered to the name that Alec preferred. A deep breath and Alec began to talk:

"To start with Chris, I do love you. Please don't doubt that. I had met Magnus when I was seventeen. It was at his house, a party that Clary—whom I barely knew and basically hated at the time—dragged us to because Magnus had altered her memories on her mother's orders.

"Magnus was, by the Angel, Magnus was beautiful. As glamorous as always, though I did not know that at the time. He singled me out. Not Jace. Not Izzy. Me. Somehow he knew that I'm gay. He told me to call him. The next time that we had interacted, I didn't know about it until Izzy told me later because I was dying. He saved me. Call it reckless, call it stupid, but I swear I was half in love with him when I went to thank him for it. Our first date was far from what I was expecting, but it was certainly brilliant. He was the one that I kissed in front of the Clave. I did promise him that I would stop hiding him if we survived a fight, and we obviously lived, so I did that. Everyone's reactions were priceless.

"He broke up with me. He said he loved me, he kissed me, and then he walked away. I can admit now that I should not have talked to Camille. I can admit now that I was wrong. But it still hurt and it was even more devastating when he went missing. We got back from Edom, all of us intact somehow. And he came to me, asking if I would have him back—"

"Why didn't you?" Chris asked, interrupting the string of words. Alec put his head in his hands and laughed.

"Because I needed to see what I was without him. It seemed so often that everyone only wanted me around to get to Magnus. I was the key to his magic. I needed to see what I was to everyone without having him there. And I needed to heal. He had shattered me, completely. It took him forever to realize what he had done, but he had done it nonetheless. I did have every intention of going back to him—it was Magnus after all—but then you and Ash and Rory happened. I fell in love with the little girl that you handed me that night," Alec answered.

Chris did not know what to feel at this new information. Alec being hopelessly in love before him, just barely before him, at that. But his story made sense. It was Alec rushing head first into something, just like his sister and parabatai. While they rushed into battle, he rushed into love.

"How did he come to be here, in our house?" Chris asked, because while the rest of Alec's story was good to know, it was not the information that Chris needed to know.

"That would be Jace's fault. I am not blaming him for my actions because they were my actions, but it was Jace that gave Magnus our address. How I came to be kissing him, well, that was me being a complete idiot. Just to be clear, I kissed him. Please do not be mad at him. It is my fault," Alec said, quietly.

Chris sighed and took a deep breath.

"Listen to me, Alec, because I am only going to say this once," he said. Alec nodded. "We are done. I love you, but I will not be second best,"

"You're not—"

"If I wasn't, this wouldn't have happened. You rushed into us, not being over him, and I can understand that. It doesn't matter. Rory is old enough to decide if he wants to see you or not. I will not force him to. Ashleigh however, we will need to talk to her about this. I don't want to take her from her father. She's been your little girl from the moment you two met," Chris said softly. With that, Alec knew that he wouldn't be seeing his son for quite a while and that none of this would be easy for Ashleigh.

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered. Chris looked at him and nodded.

"I know you are."

Later that day, when Alec was all packed, he called Jace to inform him that he was moving back into the Institute. To his dismay, Jace didn't even seem surprised.

"Of course. You can have your old room," was all Jace had said on the matter.

Alec had tried to talk to Rory before he left, had no such luck. He knocked on the boy's bedroom door, said that it was him, and in a few seconds instead of someone opening it, there was the sound of a blade hitting it. Alec walked away.

Talking to Ashleigh was something that neither man actually wanted to do. This was not going to be fun for her. She loved her parents so much, and they did not want to break her heart.

"Ash, I'm not going to be living here anymore," Alec said to her.

"Because of Magnus, I know. Rory told me this was likely to happen," she replied. In that moment, Alec regretted raising them to be so close.

"Yes, well, it is happening. We wanted to ask you what you wanted to do," Chris said, standing in the doorway of her room. To both men's' surprise, she reached under her bed and grabbed a small bag filled with clothes.

"I'm going with Daddy," she said, as though it was obvious.

"Ash, I'm going to the Institute. You've never been there," Alec told her. She only rolled her eyes.

"It's not like I'm going to be alone. I'll have you. And if it ever gets to be too much, I can just come back here," she said, looking at Chris, "right, Dad?"

"Of course you can always come back here. Actually, if you insist on going with him, I want you here every weekend, is that clear?" She nodded quickly, and jumped and out her door, ready to tell her brother.

"Are you sure about this, Chris? About her coming with me?" Alec asked.

"Not at all, and we will have to talk this through later, but right now, this needs to go smoothly. For her," he answered.

"Tell Rory I love him. He won't let me in to talk." Chris nodded.

"Please, just go," he said, not looking at Alec.

"Goodbye, then. I'll call to let you know that Ash is safely at the Institute," Alec told him, leaving his daughter's bedroom.

"Ash, let's go!" Alec called to her. She came running to him from her brother's room.

"Bye, Rory. See you later!" She said as she grabbed the bag that she had already packed and bolted out the front door.