Messed Up FanFiction

Bob the Builder: Eating Hair

Dora- Bob, what should we do now?

Bob- I don't know. Maybe...

Dora-Well...we could...

Bob-Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Dora-Meeting Caillou?

Bob- No. I was thinking about making out again, but sure...fine... whatever

Narrator-Dora and Bob hopped onto Bob's motorcycle decorated with flames and big fancy letters that said "Bob the Bad to the Bone Builder" and rode away. Bob's non existent hair blew in the breeze and Dora's whipped into her mouth. They rode off into the distance.

Dora- Bleh! Gross, hair! Wait... it actually tastes like strawberries and unicorn blood!

Bob- Wait... what? What is it, my dear explora? Wait a second... you eat freaking unicorns?

Dora- Oh, nothing . My hair-

Bob- Are you hurt?

Dora- Well, no. I might've eaten 200 strands of my own hair within the past couple of minutes, but I-

Bob- Oh. Well if you're not hurt, don't distract me while I'm driving. Wait... you're eating your ha-

Dora- CAN WE PLEASE STOP INTERRUPTING EACH OTHER!

Bob- It's all right, as long as you don't do it again.

Narrator- Dora strokes Bob's non existent hair.

Bob- Dora? Are you going to start to eat my hair now? Wait. I don't have hair.

Dora- Um...well...phff! Why would I do that...?

Bob- Did I mention that I loved you?

Narrator- Dora let out a devilish little giggle. I wish I could eat his hair she thought.

Dora- Yes. So very many times that you've told me how much you love me. So much that my ears want to explode, but I don't want to tell you because it would probably make you feel bad.

Bob- Oh... Wait, is that a good thing? Wait... what?

Dora- Nevermind...

Narrator- Dora and Bob kept riding off into the distance. Eventually, they arrived at a rectangular blue house. The car parked out front was like a half circle. It looks really... stupid and simple.

Bob- Oh my gosh. How do they ride that?

Dora- I don't know, honey. I. just. do. not. know.

Narrator- They rang the doorbell. A handsome man wearing a yellow shirt opened the door.

Caillou- Why hello, little lady. I heard ya got married to mister B.O.B. Jeez. He's so ugly it makes my eyes hurt! I still can't belie-

Dora- Caillou...

Caillou- What?

Dora- Ummm...

Caillou- Oh! BOBBY! You're... here... you didn't think I meant YOU, did you? There are other ugly Bobs... soooo... yeah. Um, wanna fix my Dinosaur?

Bob- Well, I-

Dora- *Whispers* Bob, he has issues! Remember?

Bob- Ugh! Why did we do this again?

Narrator- Dora covered Bob's mouth with her hands and then glared at him.

Dora- *whispers* We came here to feed his stupid cat, because he's... going on a business trip in his favorite rocket ship. Zooming through the skyyyy! With little einsteins!

Narrator- Bob stood silently for a moment.

Bob- I have had no idea what the heck you've been talking about for the past forty five minutes...

Dora- Okay okay okay! Just stop telling me to shut up!

Narrator- Thankfully, Caillou was just instagramming the whole time.

Narrator- By the way, his username was MDcaillou6, if you wanted to follow him.

Dora- Caillou.

Caillou- I don't care.

Dora- CAILLOU.

Caillou- Stop!

Dora- CAI-

Caillou- JESUS CHRIST IS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR! NOW SHUT UP! Now then, do come in.

Narrator- Caillou walked into his living room, eyes still on the screen. He stopped in front of his cat who was playing on the floor.

Caillou- Just feed him his food and whatevs and water. Do whatever you want. At least keep him alive.

Bob- What if we throw him out the window and he survives? Will it be okay if we do that?

Caillou- Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Bob- So we can throw him out the windows?

Caillou- What? No!

Dora- WHAT THE HECK, BOB!?

Caillou- Don't get so mad, sweetie. Bob has issues.

Dora- WHAT THE HECK, CAILLOU!?

Caillou- I know why you really came here, Dora.

Dora- Umm? What?

Caillou- You wanna explora love with me!

Dora- CAILLOU!

Caillou- WHAT? And why did you bring Bob here anyways?

Dora- BOB IS MY HUSBAND! WE ARE ENGAGED!!!! I JUST TOLD YOU THAT.

Caillou- huh?

Dora- Yes.

Narrator- Bob watches, totally confused as Dora and Caillou shout at each other.

Caillou- Let us fight!

Narrator- Caillou rips his shirt open, revealing his bursting, 6-pack. Bob is totally confused but pulls up his sleeves. Bob's arms were covered in Dora's name.

Dora- What the heck?

Bob- WHAT ARE WE DOING!?

Caillou- YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!

Bob- I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE DRAMATIC MUSIC COMING FROM MY ABS!

Caillou- WHAT!?

Bob- WHAT? I LOVE SAUSAGES A LOT!

Caillou- Imma smack you, girl! Imma smack you real hard!

Narrator- Caillou smacked Bob in the face, leaving a mark in the shape of a hand. Bob punched back, having no idea what was happening. There were a couple of dramatic minutes were they jumped all over the place using their super magical power and crap and stuff, blah blah blah. You know those fighting scenes where no one knows what's happening? Yeah. It was like that.

Bob- Caillou! What you're doing is wrong! Say sorry or... something will happen!

Narrator- Caillou stopped moving mid punch.

Caillou- I guess you're right. I'm sorry.

Narrator- Bob was once again, completely confused.

Bob- Um... what?

Caillou- I'm very sorry, but I must warn you.

Bob- What?

Caillou- I'm not actually Caillou.

Narrator- Caillou unzipped his costume, revealing Dora.

Bob- Dora!?