Us

They Don't Deserve

Karishma

     Do you ever feel like the day is just dragging on?  Ever since our fight with Natalie my mind is messed up. Every word I speak sounds foreign and Paige and Alina have become my personal bodyguards, always by my side waiting for me to break down. I appreciate all they're doing fornow,  but  all I want to do is make her feel the pain she caused me.

     Its been two terrible weeks since we last talked. All of us. Every time I see them, anger pulses through my veins.
  
     Its currently four am. I have to be up in two hours but I can't sleep. My mind keeps wandering to Natalie. To top it all of,  Alina has been acting really weird lately. When did life get this complicated.

     Before I know it, the chime of my alarm goes off,  causing me to sigh and head to the shower.

     As I watch the beads of water,  I think about how much this fight has changed everyone. Natalie is so much more confident. She puts on a smile even though it's fake. Alina has been putting out more time for the gym and her punching bag and has developed an attitude. Rachel looks more confused than ever. She is constantly looking at us and looking back down. Paige is also more sassy. She never backs down without a fight. Something I'm happy about. Lauren has changed the most. She went from sweet undercover badass to full on badass. Her hair is shorter and darker, more edgy and everything about her screams fierce. And finally. Me.  The bags under my eyes seem to have been permanently etched into my skin and suddenly everything isn't so easy anymore. My fashion has become baggy and my attitude quieter. I'm not longer the sassy drama queen I was. I'm sensitive. Something I swore to never be. I DON'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF ANYMORE!!!

      Stepping out of the shower,  I look in the mirror. I look angry. I hate them for making me like this.   I decide its time for a change. When I dress nice, I feel nice! It makes me feel happier. So,  I throw on some black jean shorts with a red plaid cardigan around my waist. I pull out a simple white long sleeve shirt and pull the over my head tucking it into my shorts and finish the look with light make up and my pink pumas. Straightening my hair I run downstairs happy with how I look. I feel like myself again. They don't get to hurt me.

      In thirty minutes I'm outside and running to Paige. "Hey Sunflower!!! " I yell enthusiastically.

     I watch her turn around and slowly walk towards me.

     "Hey karishma. What's got you so happy today? " I smile at her as we continue walking.

     "Nothing man." She looks at me with her eyebrow raised.

     "You sure? "

     "Well. Don't you think its time for a change? I don't care about all those other people!!! Happy vibes for the rest of the day!! No more sadness. "

     I continue walking only to find Paige has stopped and is staring at me.

     "Take a picture it'll last longer!! Now     come on!!! "

     I walk into the school and immediately spot Natalie talking excitingly with Lauren. Both of them look giddy and for the first time in weeks,  I see a genuine smile on Natalie's face. I slowly inch closer desperately trying to hear what they are saying. But what I hear makes me want to sit on the floor and cry. No, I want to go and kill her. She doesn't deserve him. She's dead   
to me.
                                                  
     Natalie has a date. With Jason.

     Slowly I back up and run into the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror, a new found confidence   shining. I turn around at the sound    
of my name.  
                   
     "In here! " I call back. Alina slowly makes her way into view and sits next to me.

      "Hey. Paige is looking for you. " I shrug and say I'll text Paige soon.

     "So I heard what happened. Are you OK? Also,  you look like your gonna kill
someone. "
  
     I roll my eyes. Typical Alina.

     "I'm fine honestly. Come on man. Like, Natalie just doesn't deserve him. At least I came clean. She just going out with him to get back at me. Like-" I'm cut off at the sound of a chime.
                                                   
     I watch as Alina takes out her phone. Slowly her eyes widen.

     "Hey look. I'm really sorry but I got to go. I'll call Paige to let he know where you are! " she yells before backing out of the door and running down the street. What the hell? Where is she off  to? What do I do about Jason and Natalie?

       The rest of the day floats by with these questions swirling around my head. 

     By the end of the day, plans for revenge are made. Immediately I take out my phone and check my messages. All I have is a couple from Paige and one from my mom. I reply to both of them before heading upstairs and lounging on my sofa, changing into a tank top and some sweat pants.

     I think about all the things Rachel,  Lauren and Natalie must be doing right now for her date. Slowly the tears well up in my eyes. And they fall like feathers,softly hitting the carpet,  before I wipe them away angrily. I hate that they can control how I feel. I hate them so much!!   
        
     I decide to call Paige and Alina for a girls night but only Paige comes. Alina text's back saying she's busy on a project but the only project I can think of is our health. Which we have done.
She's been real shady lately.

     "Paige what's up with Alina?" she flickers her hazel eyes up to me before returning to the movie screen.

     "I'm not sure."          

     "Are you sure you don't know? You don't seem sure... "

     "I'm sure. "   
  
     "OK... "

     And that ends that conversatioion.The rest of the night is filled with silent conversations,  Facebook and Instagram stalking and getting jealous over Natalie. All I want to do is wipe that stupid smile off her face. She doesn't deserve to be happy. But like, how do I make her feel the pain she caused?