Call Me Kimmie

The Be"Kim"ing

Kimmie was a poor girl who lived in the backwoods of Virginia. She lived with her mother Abruesca and all of Abruesca's Persian cats. Now these weren't the cats you expect to cuddle and be sweet...THESE CATS SPOKE AND WERE EVIL. Kimmie hated the cats but yet Abruesca made her care for them while she went on horrid blind dates and binge watched The Real Housecats of LA. Kimmie dealt with horrible cheezy jokes constantly from the cats like " You like like a butt cheek with legs" or, "Your sense of fashion is like Abruesca used and worn out!" These comments truly hurt Kimmie so she would ride out to the barn on her scooter to talk to Dumplin the cow. Talking to Dumplin was little Kimmie's escape from her troubled home life. Kimmie occasionally went out when Abruesca would get drunk with her fave Snow White doll name White Snow. Kimmie's friend on the outside was Agathora. Agathora was a hood rat from the Bronx who spoke like she was reading Shakespeare. Kimmie decided to meet up with her girl Agathora to go to the strip club then to the grocery store.
"Hey Agathora!!"

"Aye boo boo what it do?"

"Nothing much girl about to head to the club then Mr. Taint's grocery store"

"Oh my lawd girr can I tag wit chu?"

"Why of course Agathora!"
They arrived to the club and started filling up on that good drank while everyone else was bumping and grinding. Agathora pointed to one of the girls on the pole and said, "Kimmie
gurl I'm gonna be one of them one day." Kimmie said, "Yea girl I support you!" As she wiped the cocaine from her nose. Kimmie pulled out her hype radio to listen to the weekly announcements of her small town USA. As she listened to the final announcements she overheard that there would be golden tickets all around the country for a sick af concert put on by One Direction. She knew this was her chance for a greater life than grooming these kinky kitties and living with the horrible Abruesca. When she thought about Harry she got butterflies. She couldn't help but fantasize about the thought of him tearing that kitty up, but she was a stank girl. She knew her chances were slim that this beautiful creature would ever give little peasant Kimmie a chance. Immediately she rode her scooter to Mr. Taint's grocery store. She saw that the tickets were only in her least favorite food, boiled onions in a bag. She knew this was some nasty crap, but she wanted Harry more than that. So she bought 8 bags with her change. Kimmie also made a list of what else she had to get :
• a marshmallow
•some duct tape
•a shovel
•a word cross puzzle
•the new Mannah Hontana album
•some condoms (so her and Agathora could do the condom challenge)
Once Kimmie got all her groceries she dropped Agathora off and headed home. Once she arrived she saw Abruesca trying out a new workout video and the instructor was a cat. All she was doing was rolling around and making odd cat noises. Kimmie took the onions out to the barn with Dumplin'. Being a cow, Kimmie thought that uttered cow could eat the putrid creatures. Sadly, Dumplin' was allergic to onions and couldn't help. So Kimmie cried her way through 5 of the bags and while practically puking, opened the 6th bag. She bit into the first onion and felt a paper-like texture. She screamed and fainted in the old barn for she had gotten a ticket. When she awoke, Dumplin' was having a tit floppin' freak out because she thought Kimmie was dead. Kimmie told Dumplin' that she had got a ticket, so her and Dumplin' planned for the big skidaddle.