I sat there, listening to the five lads discuss how excited they were to leave for a few months. I kept seeing Harry look at me from the corner of his eye and I could tell he was nervous about me. Niall ended up discussing plans with Ellie and it seemed like she was thinking about going with him which surprised me.
"Brooke?" I heard a familiar, deep voice say.
I looked up and see everyone staring at me.
"What?" I asked.
"Harry called you're name like five times! Aren't you listening?" Louis asked.
"Oh uh sorry. Daydreaming." I said while trying to smile.
Harry's eyebrows mush together as he stares at my face. He was getting more worried by the minute and everyone could tell that something was up.
I was happy for them, of course I was but I was also sad. He would be gone for the last few months I would be in London. I never thought about it until now but I had to go back at some point right?
"I'm not feeling very well. I think I need to go home." I said while getting up.
"I'll take you." Harry says while getting up as well.
"Ok."
He gets his keys and then we said goodbye to everyone. I congratulated the boys but they could obviously tell that I was not as thrilled as them.
Harry seemed nervous as he was getting in the car and I figured he thought I was mad, which I wasn't.
The car ride was silent and I stared out the window and realized it had gotten dark pretty fast. I was thinking of how I only had a few more weeks left with Harry and I wanted to make them the best.
"Love talk to me. I can't stand the silence." Harry suddenly said.
"I like your hair today. It's very curly." I said with a smile.
Harry looked at me with an annoyed face and he could tell I was making the whole tour thing like a white elephant in the room.
"You know it's only for a few months." He said.
"I know." I said while sighing and looking out my window. I didn't realize I was about to cry until my vision started getting blurry and I felt something wet falling down my face.
I never thought I could learn to love someone so much and so fast. It felt like it was impossible and stupid but I knew it was true.
"Love...I..." I heard Harry trying to speak but no words end up coming out.
We finally reached my apartment and I quickly wiped a tear away and looked at him to fake a smile.
"Thanks for driving me." I said.
"No problem...aren't I coming in?" He asked.
Usually he would but tonight I didn't want him to. I didn't want him to see the thousand of tears I would shed and the most likely eating ten pounds of food.
"I don't feel too good. Tomorrow night?" I asked.
He looked a little sad but simply nodded his head.
I walk up to my flat and go straight to my bedroom. I was glad that Ellie was not here. I ran to my bed and started balling. I was getting sick of everything the past two weeks. The annoying letters, the death threats, the constant hate on twitter, and now Harry leaving.
I didn't know why I was freaking out so badly but everyone has a break down at some point. I grabbed my pillow and wished I was a little kid again. I wished I was still the five year old little girl who was swinging on the swing as her father pushed her and her mother smiled at her while snapping a photo of the moment.
In that moment I realized what I wanted most. I wanted home. I wanted to go back to my house, in my old bed, in my old room. I wanted to be the little girl who loved the world and never grew up. I call up my mom and explain everything to her. She listened to me cry and explain why I was so angry and in the end she even made me laugh.
"Is it your period?" She asked.
"No!" I said while laughing a little and wiping my nose with a tissue.
"It will get better sweetie. I promise." She said.
I smiled into the receiver and thanked her for listening. I hung up and then went into the kitchen to get some food. I logged onto twitter and see the news about the boys tour.
Most of the comments were girls freaking out over the soon to be concerts and asking when they could buy tickets or why it was such late notice. Some caught my attention and made me start thinking even more about mine and Harry's relationship.
"Doubt Harry and Brooke will last."
"Haha. Breakup time for Harry and Brooke."
"Yes! No more Harry and Brooke I assume? I mean come on, I doubt they can do it."
I realized that they may be right. Me and Harry had only been dating for two months. It seemed like our relationship was going fast and I suddenly wanted... needed it to slow down.
*****
"Why did you leave last night?" Ellie asked as I took a bite of my bagel.
"Didn't feel good." I said.
"Bullshit."
I rolled my eyes and ignored the rest of her questions. Even though I knew she knew I was lying, I didn't care. I didn't want to admit why.
"I got the mail." She said.
"Anything good?"
She throws an empty envelop at me. I looked at it and see it was another hate message.
"Where are the words?" I asked.
"I took the message."
"What? It's my mail!"
"You don't need to read it!"
"Give it to me! I have a right to know, it is my fricken letter!" I said.
I don't know why but I wanted to read it, I felt the need to read it. I wanted to see those hateful words, just to see what the person came up with this time.
"I gave them to Harry. He is giving them to Paul so he can give it to the police as more evidence. The whole death threat issue is getting them worked up about it." She said.
I looked at her and realized she was doing the right thing. She was only trying to help me out and I felt bad for being so rude about it.
"Thank you." I said.
"Your different lately."
"What?"
"Your going back to the grumpy girl." She said while getting up and rubbing her stomach.
I looked at her, a little taken aback by what she said.
"I don't like it." She said while getting her jacket and walking out the door.
I look at the ground and realized she was right. I didn't even notice myself slipping back into the grumpy mode. I wanted to get out of it but I didn't know how. Well that was my first thought, then I did know how. I knew what to do if I wanted to be out of grumpy mode but I wasn't sure if it would actually work because the answer would only make my heart hurt even more.
I heard my phone start buzzing and I looked down to see Harry's face popping up, signaling he was calling me. I continue to stare at it and then got up, got my jacket, and walked out of my flat, ignoring his call completely.
