The Show Goes On

All These Lives

Mia and I sat in my office the next day, the tension in the air almost suffocating. "Where do you want me to start?" Mia asked, playing with the chain on her wrist.

I shrugged my shoulders, glancing down at Mia's file. "How about you start where it'll make the most sense." I decided. "You've only got one shot at explaining this." I reminded her.

Mia took a deep breath then began. "My mother and father met at a military base where she was a nurse. They fell in love and she got pregnant, but they fell out of love during the pregnancy and never married. My mother moved here to New York from Virginia when I was two. She had primary custody of me and my dad only got me on holidays if he wasn't deployed somewhere."

"My mother wasn't a good mom. She...she never had anything nice to say. She barely paid attention to me. We were poor and she didn't have work when we were younger because the name Elizabeth Radke pulled up a drug record. She started using Elizabeth Tahir and got a job, but she was never around and couldn't really afford a sitter so I was left home alone unless I was in school. She drank heavily and I learned quickly to hide when she was drunk or I'd end up with some type of bruise."

"As I got older I got involved in dance and music. My mom was okay with this, she used to be a dancer. She pushed music at me. I was never very good at it, which seemed to frustrate her. She used to always play this band Escape the Fate. I was young, but I liked it. I never really understood why she liked that music, it wasn't the same as the other parents used to listen to. I fell in love with that music scene though."

"We never had a lot of money, but if I wanted to go to a concert she always found a way to let me. She'd tag along if it was Escape the Fate and later on Falling in Reverse. There were other bands I liked, but that was really all she seemed to like. She'd ask me for like updates on Ronnie and how his life was going because I followed him on twitter. I was really young. Eventually she got her own social media."

I paused her "So Elizabeth followed Ronnie's music career?" I asked in surprise "by somewhat forcing you into the music scene?"

"Yes." Mia said "I know it sounds crazy. But- "

"She was crazy. It's okay." I stopped her explanation. "Go ahead, continue."

"Well, when I was about 12 I found this band Set It Off." Mia said "And I fell in love with Black Veil Brides and Pierce the Veil and I still loved Falling in Reverse. I also started following Aly-Cat." She blushed slightly and couldn't meet my eyes "Every time I went to a concert here in New York it seemed like you were around. I wanted to find you so bad."

"You've been with Set It Off since they started then?" I asked, derailing the conversation off of me. "That's a little ironic."

"Trust me, I had no clue you'd end up with them. I shipped BlackCat." Mia said.

"BlackCat?" I echoed, only vaguely remembering the term. "Wasn't that the name for me and Andy?"

Mia grinned sheepishly "Yeah, I thought you and Andy were the cutest thing. You're much better than Juliet...though Calyssa is sweet."

"So she used you to keep tabs on us." I pressed Mia, trying to keep her on track.

"Right. Yeah, she used me to keep tabs on you two, not that I realized what was happening. I didn't know about you two. I didn't know she was a Radke. There was one concert we came to here at Contradictions. It was your first tour with Cody and Ronnie. I was waiting in line to meet you and Mom was behind me. She was acting funny, fidgeting and mumbling to herself. I just ignored her. And I met you and you signed my shirt and I went to leave but Mom was talking." Mia paused and looked down, taking a deep breath.

"Then there was Ronnie and you looked like you were going to pass out and Mom was being dragged out by the security and I just remember standing there and processing. She called herself your mother. And suddenly it all made sense. When we got home I went to ask her about it, but she just sat me down and told me more news. She had breast cancer and was going to die soon. She said before she died she had wanted to meet her daughter. To apologize for the life she forced upon her baby girl." Mia wiped away tears and I pressed my tissue box towards her. "But I guess she didn't really try hard enough because she stopped after that one time. And soon enough she was too sick to try again."

It had taken my mother being on her deathbed for her to want to apologize to me. My heart hardened towards her a little more and I looked at Mia "What about you?" I asked.

"What about me?" She echoed.

"you're sitting in my office. The story doesn't end with Elizabeth's death." I prodded gently. "What about you, Mia?"

"I was alone. Old enough to be alone, but still alone. I started college. I want to be in the music business. Own a record label or a venue or something. I can't sing or play any instruments. I tried piano and I was dreadful. Guess music making is all in the Radke genes." Mia smiled sadly. "But I still love it. I want to be around it. And I found out that one of my heroes was my sibling."

"Ronnie." I said, very used to everyone loving my brother.

Mia laughed "No. You! My Aly-cat Radke who posted beautiful poetry and inspiring tweets. Who was always goofing off with the bands. Who made Ronnie do stupid things like go to Build-A-Bear to make unicorns and showed that even the toughest of rockers had a soft side. Alyssa, I have always wanted to be just like you. And then I found out you were my sister...half-sister."

"What do you want from me, Mia? Money? Because despite what everyone thinks, the music industry isn't that lucrative. I- "

"I just want to know you." Mia interrupted. "I don't want fame. I don't want money. I don't care if you fire me. I don't care if I never meet another rocker ever again. All I want is to know my family. I don't want to be alone anymore, Alyssa."

I looked at Mia for a long moment, trying to decide what to do. I had hated my mother for so long. And now I found out she was dead and she had another daughter. A daughter good enough for her to stay and take care of. Part of me wanted to hate Mia, because even if our mother was a terrible mom, at least Mia had one. But I couldn't hate Mia. It wasn't her fault. You don't choose your parents. You don't choose your siblings. But I had the chance now to choose Mia.

"My name is Alyssa Elizabeth Radke. My mother named me after my great grandmother who she was also named after. That same mother left me when I was a baby. I have an older brother Ronnie who's a pain in the ass, but I love him. He's the lead singer of a rock band called Falling In Reverse. I'm a ghostwriter for musicians and I run the venue Contradictions. I'm married to Cody Carson and he's also a pain in the ass, but I still love him. We have a daughter named Ashlyn Charlotte Danielle Carson or ACDC as her Uncle Maxx likes to call her. He's already trying to teach her to play the drums. We live about three blocks from the venue and man was it a struggle to convince my husband to move." I watched Mia to see if she cared about anything I'd said. She was watching me too, soaking up every word that came out of my mouth. I knew she was being honest when she said she just wanted to know me. She just wanted a sister.

"I didn't grow up at home. It was torture there. My dad had a drug problem. My brother had a drug problem. I had a scholarship to a boarding school in Massachusetts and then another scholarship to Astrum College in Pennsylvania. There I met my best friends that I still talk to now. I grew up alone, Mia, besides my brother. It's always been me and him against the world, but sometimes the world got the best of him. I know what it feels like to not have family. And now I know what it feels like to have it. Not just Cody and Ashlyn. But the Set It Off boys and my Shatterproof boys and Lynn and the rest of PVRIS and Falling In Reverse and Black Veil Brides." I paused, taking a deep breath. "And you. You're family too, Mia, or at least, I'd like you to be."

Mia gasped, tears streaming down her face as she bounded around my desk and hugged me tight. I realized I was crying too and wrapped my arms around her. I was done being bitter about my mom. I was done allowing her to have any negative impacts on my life. Accepting Mia into my life was my way of closure with my mom.