The Beat Of Your Heart - Tayvin Oneshots

Shattered Part 1

The day after he left, Taylor thought that she was fine. She was angry because of what he had done the previous day, but she wasn't going to let this break her, she wasn't going to let him break her.

That night she woke and suddenly a horrible sadness rushed through her body, through her veins. It had hit her. She knew now – he was most definitely not coming back. Tears started rapidly streaming down her cheeks and her body started to shake, to tremble, almost. She was suddenly terrified. She already knew that she had lost him, but now she knew she had lost herself too. She knew that this time she wasn't going to find herself after he left. She wasn't going to move past this and become a different version of herself, she couldn't. She was the best version of herself when she was with him, they both had brought out the best of each other.

Next the anger hit her again and she felt as if she had been harshly slapped across the face. She realized how stupid she had been to let him into her life, to let him break down her walls. She tried to wish that she had never trusted him, but she couldn't, she was still completely in love with him. She was angry. She didn't know if she was angrier at him or at herself.

When her anger became too much, she screamed into her pillow, again and again. She didn't know how long she continued to do this, but she finally stopped only when she ran out of air, and her throat felt as if it was bleeding. His name kept repeating in her head. Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam. Again and again. She didn't know if she could ever make it stop.

That night she didn't sleep at all. She stayed up crying, screaming and wandering how he was handling this, even though she knew that she couldn't care about how he was, anymore.

For the next week Taylor stayed in, only leaving her room to feed the cats, get water and go to the bathroom a couple of times a day. At first she had tried to eat, but couldn't possibly keep anything down.

She hadn't been on social media at all during that week, so she knew that her fans would be worried, but she couldn't pretend that she was fine and continue to post her sassy photos, tweet funny jokes and post pics of Meredith and Olivia. It would mean lying to her fans, which she refused to do. She also hadn't talked to her friends. She knew that if she did they would immediately recognize that something was wrong, and would insist on coming to see her. She didn't want twenty people in her bedroom asking her if she was okay when she obviously wasn't. She wanted to be left alone to continue to process that fact that he was gone.

Taylor was watching Friends in her bedroom but she had seen all the episodes a million times. She was really just staring at the screen while she thought about Adam. Some days she would miss him, some days she would hate him. Today she was missing him. She missed him so much.

A single tear rolled down her cheek as her bedroom door opened and a worried Karlie came in and instantly wrapped her in an enormous hug. Karlie didn't know for sure what was wrong with her best friend, but when Taylor started to cry uncontrollably, she correctly assumed that Taylor and Adam had broken up. Taylor looked horrible, her hair hadn't been brushed or washed in days and she had bags under her eyes from crying and not sleeping. She was wearing one of Adam's shirts which surprised Karlie.

After letting Taylor cry on her for a good twenty minutes, Karlie had finally built up the courage to speak. She didn't want to say something that would make Taylor more upset. She didn't want to ask her if she was alright or if she had broken up with Adam, she knew the answers to both those questions.

"Tay, when was the last time you ate something?" Karlie asked. It was recognizable that Taylor had lost some weight, weight that she couldn't afford to lose. "I'm going to go downstairs and make you some food. You're going to be alright Taylor," Karlie reassured her after Taylor didn't answer her initial question.