Goodbye Letters

11. CYNTHIA

this is it readers. I'm kind of sad to be finished!

February 7th 2021

It was 8 years ago that my life changed. 

I found this book recently when I was packing some stuff up at home for this semester of college.  I read through everything I wrote in that month and cried.  I can’t believe how easily I let the devil control my life, I honestly had no idea what was going on.  I never even thought to fight it all, I accepted the self-hate, the pain, the loneliness as normal; oh how wrong I was.  Eight years ago that girl changed my life.  I never even got her name, I don’t even remember exactly what she looked like but those words she spoke to me that cold February day as I stepped out of the psychiatrist’s office, those I remember.  She gave me a window, a glimpse of such a glorious light and life.  That girl walked up to me as I leaned against that pole, tears streaming down my cheeks, black make-up running in dark lines, the blood dripping from the recent cuts, she walked up to me out of nowhere and hugged me.  I’d never seen her in my life but she, this girl in a white skirt and gray sweater, modest with an anxious but determined look on a face that I can’t remember and she hugged me tight.  Pulled me towards her and whispered “You’re worth more than this.  Far more.  I have no idea what you’re going through but trust me”   and she pulled away then to look searchingly into my eyes “there is One who loves you so much more than you’ll ever understand and He wants you to fight.  This.”   She pushed my sleeve up and did the same to hers showing my three evenly spaced white scars “This, doesn’t help anything.  It only hurts Him and long after your heart so much more.  Please, please look to Him, beg for His mercy and understanding.  Pray for change because it is so worth it.  You will become a new creation.  He will break the chains and set you free.  Fight for Him, because He died for you.”   Just than mom pulled up and Francis yelled at me to get in before mom pulls away without me so I did.  I got in the van and as I buckled and mom drove away I looked back at the girl standing there; tears brimming her eyes as she watched mom pull away, the girl looked straight at me and pointed skyward.  Her words never left me.  She changed my life, she opened a door and with that one two minute event of her life changed my world forever.  Later that evening I tried to write a new ‘last’ good-bye letter.  I listed my last reasons for choosing death and then as I lay in my bed trying to convince myself once and for all to end it her words ran through my mind over and over again ‘You are worth more, so much more.’ And somehow it clicked, I knew I was I threw that piece of paper away and got down on my knees to pray. 

It’s 8 years later and I’ve never seen the girl since, somehow I wish I could tell her the way she changed my life but I can’t I can only trust that God has showed her; given her the peace of knowing that her life had purpose even if it was only to have a two minute conversation with a broken girl.  He used her and I pray that she never ever feels otherwise.  May God have blessed her in ways beyond imagination and maybe someday I will meet her and thank her in person but if not, it doesn’t really matter, God’s plan is being carried out.

~Cynthia May Lewis

THE END

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So... final thoughts anyone? I know the whole way through this was kind of rushed and to be honest it's supposed to be a whole lot longer and more detailed but my deadline for entry is the 5th of this month and its technically supposed to be a "short story" and I'm already wondering about mine qualifying, lol.

Alrighty. Fan or follow.. I can't remember which it is. Vote for my story. Message me or COMMENT :D