Let Your Voice Speak Out (Raura)

Chapter 28

I am a drifter, and as lonely as that can be, it is also remarkably freeing. I will never define myself in terms of anyone else. I will never feel the pressure of peers or the burden of parental expectation. I can view everyone as pieces of a whole, and focus on the whole, not the pieces. I have learned how to observe, far better than most people observe. I am not blinded by the past or motivated by the future. I focus on the present, because that is where I am destined to live. And sometimes when I'm in the present I focus on the past because those were the times when I had the burden of parents.

As I wrote I notice how true this was. I no longer have my parents on my shoulders all the time. I'm trying to forget the fact that they don't even care about me. I'm a 16 year old living with my sister, boyfriend and his family. Of course their is nothing wrong with that.

I'm ready to cry.

I don't though, I sit in Rydel's room and continue to write until someone walks through the door.

"Laura, you will not believe what just happen." Connor yelled. He's been doing this for a while, whenever I'm somewhere by myself he would just run in and just yell at me about what happen at work or what him and Hope did. Hope really likes Connor. I feel bad since I won't tell her that he's gay.

"What Connor" I say not looking up from my journal.

"You will not believe what happen when I took an Uber here. There was this 62 year old lady and she just kept talking and talking and then she told that she sees things in people. So she was telling me about how I was such a good person and I was like tell me more. Then she was like 'Have the homosexuals gotten to you yet?'. I mean like the nerve of that bitch." Connor exclaimed obviously upset.

"That's nice Connor." I say truly not listening nor caring. Connor never has any serious problems, why waste my time listening to him.

"Hey, are you okay? You don't seem like yourself." He says. Oh so now he notices.

"No I am perfectly fine."

"Are you sure. Is you job stressing you?" Connor ask.

I thought about what my mom had said when we were arguing.

Does he have a job Laura? Is he some sort male stripper that's trying to turn you into a prostitute?! I mean you already look like one so he doesn't have much to do!

"No I am perfectly fine."

"May I recommend and afternoon with your best friend we haven't spent a lot of time together." And for some odd reason I was completely fed up with him. He was aggravating me.

"Look Connor, I love you and all but I really wish you would just leave me alone. I don't know why right now you decided you wanted to act like a good friend but I could really use someone who doesn't pretend to care about me just so we could hang." I say looking him straight in the face then turning back to my book. I hear him scoff which I find so disrespectful.

"What is up with you?"

"What is up with me? Laura you've been a bitch to me ever since I walked in. You wouldn't even listen while I talked about my homophobic Uber driver-"

"Well maybe if you weren't a homosexual then you wouldn't take offence to that." I cover my mouth and shut my eyes out fear that I actually just said that to my best friend. I open one of my eyes to see Connor shaking his head.

"I'll see you later." Connor says harshly.

"Connor wait!" I yell and grab his hand.

"What! You want to tell me more about how my life would be like if I weren't gay."

"No Connor! I-"

"I don't care anymore! Maybe you would care. Call me when you want to talk and not bullshit yourself all day." And with that he left. I heard yelling as he walked down the stairs then I heard one big scream and then all was silent. I began to worry. Maybe they all left me. I would do that to me. What if I had to move out? What if Ross doesn't like me? Am I truly being a bitch? Maybe I should just give up.

I finally began to cry.