Warning: This chapter has a lot of interjections from the narrator!
You are a young child named John Egbert.
"Yay!" you say happily. You have no idea why you are happy, but you are. You are generally happy. Especially when you are around Dave. So actually, you really do know why you are happy. It is because you are with Dave Strider, your bestest friend and secret crush. You are just hanging out eating ice cream with Dave, but it still makes you happy. Ice cream makes you happy. Hanging out with Dave makes you happy. Dave makes you happy. Of course, Dave does not know how happy he makes you or how you have a crush on him. It would suck if Dave did because you are sure Dave doesn't like you that way. You look over at Dave and catch him watching you. Dave blushes a little. Could he...? Nah, he doesn't. Don't be ridiculous John. The narrator commands that you stop being ridiculous. You decide that the narrator is correct. You stop being stupid. There is no way on Earth that Dave Strider, of all people, could like you! Why haven't you stopped being ridiculous Egbert? I command that you stop being ridiculous, so stop it!!!!!! But...you did. No, John, you did not! I have given up hope on you and your stupid pea sized brain! Bu-bu-but...
You are now: Dave Strider because the narrator has given up hope on the stupid John kid and Dave better be a whole lot smarter then John because otherwise the narrator is going to lose it!!!!!
Oh God! John caught you watching him. You blush but soon realize John has stopped looking at you and now has a crushed look on his face. While you do not know this, but the narrator does, John is crushed because is a freakin idiot. An awesome idiot, but still an idiot. You wave a hand in front of John's face. "Dude, what's up with you? I don't think I've ever seen you unhappy. Who are you? Where's my bro Egbert?" John shakes his head. "Oh, I was just thinking about stuff. Sorry Dave." You nod. You understand thinking about stuff. You do that all the time. In fact, one could even say that you are the king of thinking about stuff. You think about lots of important stuff. It's so much stuff your not sure your brain can take all this stuff. In fact, -"Hey Dave, you can cut the crap now." The narrator says. The narrator requests you delve into some of the stuff you think about when you are with John. Ok. You can do that. What do you think about while you're with John? You think about video games and stuff. Yeah! Video games! You're good at those! 😑 Dave that is not what the narrator meant. She meant, what stuff do you think about when you are with John and staring at him. Ohhhh! You can do that too! Let's see. When you are staring at John you are thinking about how cute he is and how happy he is. You secretly have a crush on him, but try to not think about it to much. Which is impossible because you spend so much f*cking time with John and it is impossible to not think about how f*cking cute John is when you are with him which naturally means you think about how you have a crush on him. Of course, Egbert is so oblivious (you personally think this just makes him cuter) that he probably wouldn't realize you like him unless you explained your feelings out loud. Thank God you would never do that. Besides, you are the king of subtleness. No way John would ever realize that you like him. You don't want to think about your crush on John because he could never like you like that and so silently curse the narrator. She will have to face your wrath for making you think about your crush on John. Then again, you would still be thinking about your crush anyways, so you suppose it is pointless to blame an innocent bystander. *innocent bystander chuckles for a second before realizing exactly what Dave has said* DAVE!!!!!! The narrator is mad. Very mad. HOLY CRAP DAVE! I WAS TRUSTING YOU TO NOT BE A COMPLETE DOUCHE BAG LIKE THAT STUPID EGBERT!!!! WHAT THE @"$$:(&;)-!";&!) IS YOUR @?$/@$:);@,) PROBLEM, YOU (@&);@/"/(/);&@&?!?!?!
Ok - There is a serious problem here. Both of these characters are f*cking idiots! SH*TSTICKERS! Ok, I can solve this. Ok. Give me a second...DAVE! JOHN! GET YOUR A*SES OVER HERE! I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER TO GET YOUR ACTS TOGETHER! BOTH OF NEED TO STOP BEING STUPID IDIOTS WITH SMALLER-THAN-A-MOLECULE SIZED BRAINS!! IT IS ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF ME!!! IF YOU GUYS DON'T GET YOUR ACTS TOGETHER SOON, I'LL HAVE TO MAKE THIS STORY ABOUT TEREZI! THAT'S RIGHT, TEREZI! SO EITHER GO DIE IN A HOLE OR GET YOUR ACTS TOGETHER!! -- Ok, now that that is out of the way, I will post part 2 soon!
