The Thing About Nerds

Dream squad salt dream

​-By Saltine Crackers
​I'm sick, feeble, and vulnerable, every single thing that I've very much dislike to be. The great Salt, as it's weakest moments, and dying breath I cast upon a curse to my future self to have a great sleep. Here I am lying in this small cramped bed, vulnerable and filled with weird anime plushies I've wasted money on. Sleeping it's just.... I could be doing so much more right now, like studying or something fun like being hella salty or reading lewd fanfics. But atlas, as it is 4am in the morning my eyes close shut drifting to sleep.

" Alright guys, split up, shop and meet up at the entrance after 2 hours. This is the largest store they have around here" I turned my squadron, consisting of Ghostie and her Wife, Winter along with Jackass and M. We were at the entrance of a unnamed store, consisting of a variety items for sale. Some of the items included mainly weapons, and more horribly sewn clothes, low quality and high price. I blame capitalism.

"Okay no lewd things on the mattress section you two!" I raised my voice to the couple, obviously wanting to go at it. Don't question it, my sub consciousness is none of your business.

Obviously, I grabbed mahima's arm and ran to go "find" the weeaboo section, but to no avail failed. Considering this was like a western shop, not Japanese store It only left the two nerds without a sole purpose in life. That left Ghostie and Winter whom held hands, time to time smiling and maybe even trying to seduce her partner. Those two went along there way, and so did Jackass.

"Alright, ditch these ridiculous high schooler outfits" The salt was acting up again, I transformed and wore Sherlock style trench coat and a suitcase containing tools needed for investigation. The suitcase mostly contained salt shakers, knives, more knives and just more boxes of sodium. It was a salty day..

"They're terrible at murder.." M dramatically sighs before pointing at the blood stained floor, she turns her head up towards the ceiling and cries out.
"LOOK AT THIS, DO THE JANITORS NOT CLEAN? ART THOU LEAVES A BLOOD TRAIL OH MY GOD"
"Being salt now huh?" I answered before taking a blood sample and sending it back to the lab.

We didn't say much other than follow the blood stained floor leading up to a barrel of red paint,
we discover the corpse, which leads to M complaining about the lack of creativity.
"Funny how this store never seems to end, due to my creative sub consciousness, and somehow the body has been discovered in a barrel of red paint. Lovely."

"Looks like your creativity is shit because who hides a body in red paint!!!!!"
"well so are your cats, but I aint complaining" You can just see all the hate that has built up in mahima's eyes over the years of losing in Mario kart.
I didn't say anything because I knew the moment she said that, I was dreaming and like every other lucid dream my body wants to pull me out of it. But I denied that and stayed right in, I was determined to obliterate M and her cats to space along with solving this mystery.
"Shit we're being followed..." I turned to Mahima who starts walking away

"it's just the employees wanting to sell us something (spongebob reference). Btw I'm going to go search for more leads and get all the credit HAVE FUN DYING!" She cackles and disappears from my subconscious with a lot of smoke.

The culprit, makes their way, just as they approach me, I blink as a voice plays out in my head like the ones in animes. "Instead of letting them approach you, you approach them and kick their ass"
The culprit was legit rubbing their hands together grinning, BUT THEY DIDN'T HOLD A DAMN WEAPON LIKE?????

​So I grabbed them by the forearm pulled them in, and used my right foot and jammed my heel into their crotch, making sure to add more pressure for the past 2 minutes. I twisted my heel a couple of times, they eventually fell to the ground in fetal position and I arrested their sorry ass for not bring a weapon. I yelled to my non-existent associate, but it looks like I had to finish up the job today. And so after a satisfying victory, and some lewd things were going on, in the mattress section with the love birds, we all made it out (well except the culprit since he got fucking decimated.

I woke up, noon on this Sunday?? Saturday with a throat so dry and sore it felt like the embodiment of California. It was worth it. Cause if you're going to murder someone at least look professional.

A/N

It's me saltine crackers I'm tired so good night and have fun reading
-NaCl