The Thing About Nerds

Mr. T and Le Paradise II

It's been days, maybe even a week or so ever since I've first walked into the doors of the Japanese cat paradise all of my friends have been desperately craving known as "Neko Atsume". I remembered every single detail back then, from the cat photos hanging up around the lobby walls all the way to the magnificent fountain with a statue of what appears to be a fat cat with crumbs on its belly sitting right on top of the fountain itself. Oh, did I mention the amount of actual cats themselves? It's insanity! Whenever a visitor walks through the entrance, there's already like ten to twenty cats waiting to ambush and cuddle while you repeatedly get trampled by all of them.

But enough of that. let's talk about the main attraction. The main reason I came here in the first place, owning your own little hors- I mean cat park. Of course, you have the boring tutorials and instructions, all that stuff you would normally see on any video game. At first I thought to myself, "why would anyone enjoy some like this?". But sadly, it started growing on me. The amount of toys you can buy, the piles of fish you can get to rub it in others' faces. Maybe that's why all my friends are smarter than me... cause of fish food. Apparently cats also give you goldfish, though I don't see the point of that. For crying out loud, it's a goddamn fish painted yellow, I SERIOUSLY DON'T SEE WHY IT'S SOMETHING TO CHEER ABOUT! Then there's a thing where you are given a secret word every day you come here and you have to share that word with a special cat (or what I would call him, the drug dealer) and he gives you fish in return. Again, I don't get the logic behind that but whatever. To top it all off, you need to have food in order to attract cats to your park, the better the quality, the more the fish (*cough* capitalism *cough*). So, this place literally forces you to spend the fish you get. You'd be even lucky if you end up taking a decent amount of fish home.

And that's where I came to be, simply sitting in my own little cat park this morning, waiting and watching the cats come by and go. I decided to place good quality frisky bitz (cat food) on the plate, staring at the swarm of cats that fight over it. Eventually, I left the place because I had to go to school now. With everything set and ready for the day, I departed to the place I call hell. Today's classes seem to be going as normal as ever. My corrupted civics class was being stupid and all while Ghostle and I were sleeping from the boredom our teacher was teaching us as he let all the noise and stupidity slide past him. In science class, Mr. Zaku gave us packages about our next unit climate change. We all sat there complaining the amount of questions we had and how we were all screwed by 2050. Then came math class, doing the usual textbook homework while I was continuously staring at the clock.

By lunch, all the nerds have gathered. However, something seemed off. Sky and Winter were arguing about who knows what? As I walked closer to hear, they were discussing about how their cat food had been eaten this morning, and what caught my attention was the fact that they only set theirs 10 minutes before it happened. Immediately after school, I rushed all the way back to Neko Atsume. Hoping the same tragedy doesn't occur to me, I pushed open the door to my park and shocked, saw the fresh full of frisky bitz I put out this morning eaten (the amount of "get rekt" comments is strong in this one). Looking towards the piles of gifts that were left for me, I discovered that one of the gifts was from the culprit itself. Turns out the culprit's gift was 1 regular fish. How is that possible? How can cat nature be just as greedy as human nature? Then came with a note saying, "Food is not good enough -Tubbs". As furious as I can be, I crumpled up the paper and with all my might, I cast a magic spell that will make this note suffer in hell by being thrown as far away as possible. I threw the note, only to reach as far as my feet, gently falling to the ground. "Fine Mr. Teletubbies! If it's a war you fucking want, it's a war you're gonna fucking get!". Thus, I spent the rest of my day in the cat shop, purchasing as much expensive cat food as possible while being salty towards the other visitors. Tomorrow is a Saturday, the birth of a new rivalry between me, and this so called "Tubbs" that will spark up the whole world at the speed of Bartholomew Allen is about to begin...

A/N

Hello there. It's me, Jackass Accountant! As usual I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's the 2nd part and the next chapter I write will be the last of this trilogy series. Now join me next time in the final chapter, as we take down this infamous cat I'd like to call Satan the fourth.

-Jackass Accountant