Our Shared Madness

6: The (Shipped) Gold Standard

All we wanted to do was go out for lunch together. Then word leaked that Ashlee and I were in town and the cafe was stormed with fans. I called Marcus and asked him for backup.

Ashlee sighed and brought her hands to her stomach. When she was stressed, you could really tell. Baby Wentz was stressed too. She caught me eyeing her bump and I turned my attention back to the crowd outside the doors. They were in the front and back, trapping us inside.

Would it be like this when the baby is born? Will our child be exposed to my life? Will we have to shelter him inside because of the band's growing popularity?

Never have I regretted the band any more than I have now. Never have I ever wanted to leave the country more than I do know. I wish I was never famous or I never put Ashlee through this mess in the first place.

When I was young and tired of soccer every day, I would put down the ball and pick up a pen, writing the rest of my day away. I dreamed about doing this for a living, playing music, writing songs and stories. I didn't think about the downsides. I was too young to know.

Our songs are getting too repetitive anyways. It's the same old love and hate and heartbreak over and over again. I can't fathom why our fans still listen to our music.

"You've just got to get back on stage again," Patrick would say when I brought up quitting, "Feel the pre-show anxiety that keeps you going when you get on stage. Hear the roar of the crowd as they cheer and sing along to the lyrics you wrote."

I snapped into attention when Marcus broke through the back door barrier of fans. I carefully lowered Ash off the high chair and walked ahead of her, holding her arm tightly.

Marcus and a few other guys he picked up made a pathway to my Range Rover. There were cameras everywhere. A reporter followed us down the path. They asked me a question I heard a lot when I first met Ash.

I got a lot of: "Do you love her?" Or "Are you in love with Ashlee Simpson?"

I made the stupid decision to say yes. Most celebrities would say no to that question. It was a lot easier to hide it that way. Sure, the cameras would still follow you and watch you like a hawk, but no one would bother you about it until you confessed.

My big mouth and heart put Ashlee in harms way and now I have to deal with the consequences.

I helped Ashlee into the car and closed the door - nearly on a girl's hand. Marcus hopped into the driver's seat and drove off quickly before anyone got hurt.

I glanced at Ash, who was glaring at me deeply.

"I love you?" I offered with my arms out.

She turned towards the window and stayed silent for the rest of the car ride home.