Temporarily Yours

Chapter 15

If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you need to do is wake up.
~ JM Power

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  It had been a long day in the studio for me, I hadn't finished up until about 8:30 and didn't make it home until around 9:15. When I arrived home, the kids were already in bed and I felt bad about not being there to say goodnight to them and to tuck Tate in. As soon as I walked in the door, I no more than slipped one boot off of my foot to look up and see Caroline rounding the banister. With no more than "Dinner is on a plate in the microwave for you.", she disappeared upstairs. Well, that was a start. At least I got her to speak a few words to me, a lot more lengthy than a few scornful looks when it came to human conversation.

  I sighed and went to heat up my food. Caroline had made a meal of baked catfish, mash potatoes, and fried ocra, and biscuits. A stick-to-your-ribs kind of meal it certainly was. Once the timer on the microwave beeped, signaling that my food was done, I grabbed a beer from the fridge and took my plate to the living room. When I sat down on the couch, I placed my plate onto the coffee table. But when I sat down, I sat on something hard which poked me in the butt. I immediately sat up to realize I had sat down on a book. The book was open, face down. It was leather with Not all who wander are lost engraved on the front. I stared at it quizzically for a moment before flipping it over. Right away I noticed it was a journal, the pages before me were filled with a woman's handwriting and I recognized it to be Caroline's. She must have forgot to take it with her when she left the room so quickly to avoid me. I glanced at the right side page, noticing today's date scrawled in the top margin. A sense of guilt washed over me but I continued on, beginning to read the words written by Caroline. I know I shouldn't, but I was too curious.

 

January 3, 2016

  It's been a few days since that night in New York and my heart is feeling heavier than ever. Luke's still at the studio right now and the kids are all in bed... and all I can think about is Luke. I can't help the tears that come to my eyes every time I think about him. The tears are on the verge of falling as I write this actually. I confessed my love for him, every single feeling my heart beat with, was poured out to him and he basically shot me down. I'm not sure how he feels about me at all. Obviously he could care less if I like him or not, he left me in the pouring rain in New York City for God's sake! He probably went back to the hotel suite and laughed at me for being so foolish. A big shot, famous country singer who tours the country and makes millions having feelings for a lousy ol' nanny who runs around in sweatpants with no makeup on was on the edge of near impossible. It didn't seem very believable, probably because he doesn't have any sort of attraction towards me.

I never believed people when they said how much it hurts to have your heart broken, until it was me lying on my bedroom floor, mascara running down my cheeks, gasping for air, crying. Luke can no longer say he's never killed anybody. Because that night in NYC, he killed me. I took a stab to my heart with each step he took in the opposite direction of me.

Caroline

  I finished reading her journal entry and suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I felt paralyzed and couldn't move, not even to wipe the tears that slipped down my cheeks so effortlessly. Now I understood why all of this time she's avoided me, sending hurtful gazes my way. My stomach growled but I had lost my appetite and didn't feel like eating. I forced myself up and pitched my now cold food into the garbage.

  When I went upstairs, I found Caroline's door cracked open. I peeked through it and saw her sitting on the bed crying, silently. In front of her sat that same box I had seen a few weeks earlier. Caroline sat clutching what I made out to be a red tshirt with some type of design on the front, but I couldn't make that out. Chills suddenly were sent down my spine, making shiver. Caroline looked up and towards the door, making direct eye contact with me. What was odd was that she didn't say a word. She just stared at me. Her once jubilant blue eyes were now a lifeless gaze. That look in her eyes told me what I'd done. I'd broken her. I swallowed the lump that had grown in my throat and headed down the hall to my room.

  All I did was slip out of the clothes I'd worn that day and leave my boxers on. As I slid under the covers, I couldn't help but think about Chelsea and how long it'd been since I'd held someone in my arms at night. The sheets keep on getting colder and I need someone to warm them. My mind instantly flashed to Caroline before I drifted off to sleep.

 
Caroline stood with her back to me in the living room. I stood in the kitchen watching her with the boys. I was confused because they were opening presents and each kid had grown at least two inches taller over night. I just shook those thoughts and laughed as Tate's face lit up when he opened a new Nerf Gun present.

"Tate," I called out to him, pulling my phone out to snap a picture. "Look at me!"

Tate didn't acknowledge my words, so I spoke again. "Tot, please look over here!" No movement. "Caroline will you please have Tate look towards me for a moment for Heaven's sake."

Caroline didn't answer either and I became awfully frustrated. Was this some kind of joke they were playing? I went to move my legs, but they wouldn't budge. It was like I was stuck. I began to panic. What was going on?

"Luke don't be scared. Calm down, it's just a dream." I heard a familiar woman's voice.

I spun my head in the direction of the voice, my heart pounding profusely. "Chels- Chelsea?"

She smiled softly, a smile that I'd seen so many times it was etched into my brain. "Yes Luke, it's me. Look."

She pointed towards the stairwell and I saw, well, me come trotting down the steps, happy go lucky. I turned to Chelsea, issuing her a confused glance. She just nodded back towards the scene.

The other me walked up to Caroline, holding a long black box. The other me pecked her on the lips. That's when my heart stopped. I stared, speechless. Caroline smiled and turned. I was able to see her fully for the first time. I cupped my hand over my mouth, feeling tears well in my eyes. In Caroline's arms was a baby girl, only a few weeks old.

Chelsea spoke up. "That girl right there is Grace Lynn Bryan. That baby girl was born a few weeks ago. It's Tate's birthday, it's August. He's now seven years old. You and Caroline got married a year ago."

Tears welled in my eyes as I watched Caroline take the box from the other me in exchange for Collin. She carefully opened the box to reveal a diamond pendant necklace with a moon on it. She smiled wide and leaned up to place a quick, passionate peck on the lips.

  "Carol, I love you to the ends of the Earth," The other me whispered in her ear. Caroline smiled softly.

"To the moon and back, Luke." She whispered back.

Suddenly the beautiful scene playing out before me faded to away.

I jolted up in bed, feeling a cold sweat. It was 3am. I slowed my breathing down and eventually my heart beat in its normal rhythm once more. I knew that was Chelsea further confirming that it was okay for me to move on, so I smiled. I smiled wide knowing that I needed to get the love of my life in my arms as soon as possible.  Maybe one day that dream and reality will collide.