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Chapter 18 :}

I sit bolt up right and glance around my room...I have zero recollection of going to bed. I managed to get my pajamas on... Impressive.  It's 5 in the shitting morning. It's summer, why don't I have lie ins? What if I passed out outside and Mum put me to bed? I check my phone, as if that would tell me. I have another two texts from Damien, but I wont open them yet. I'm bizarrely wide awake, and dying of thirsty. I creep outside my bedroom and guzzle as much as I can from the bathroom tap. Mum seems to be restfully sleeping, I must have managed to put myself to bed. 

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I step outside, carefully shutting the door behind me. There was a light breeze out, I was wearing my tracksuit bottoms, hoodie and converse. I sent Mum a text saying I felt like a walk. The estate wasn't very big, so I could easily just walk around here. But I left the estate completely. I knew most of the area around us well enough to wander aimlessly. 

After half an hour, I wind up in the park. It's weird here without Bells. I need to talk to her soon. 

I lay on the grass, and examine the sky. There's no clouds but the sky looks duller than usual, the blue is bleak, it hurts my eyes to look at it but I keep staring until they run. I can hear the early morning dog walkers shouting commands and the odd bark in response. I should probably move, I definitley look like a corpse. I prop myself up onto my elbows, catching a great glipmse of  nature, a dalmatian frantically chasing a pidgeon. More dog walkers and joggers were arrivng so I make my way towards the gate, if I take the back alleys home there should be foot traffic. 

I breeze past my elderly neighbour and hope her glasses haven't adjusted to my face. 

"Romy dear!"

I pause at the distinctive sound of her voice, and turn to speak to her and her sauage dog. He was so old he resembled more of a cocktail sausage. 

"Good morning Raina, hey ruben." Regarless of the weather she was always cloaked in layers of material. She looked like a plump grandma but was actually atleast 1/3 smaller without the endless coats and scalves. I crouch down and stroke ruben. He looks in worse shape than I do. 

"What are you doing up this early, I would expect you to be asleep!" She chirps. 

"Well, so would I...but I couldn't seem to get to sleep so I decided a walk might do the trick."

Ruben flops on the floor and exposes his belly. I obey and give the expected scratchies. 

"Oh he's such a ladies man. Takes after my Ed." I smile up at her, Ed was her husband, he passed about a year ago. She said something about needing to catch the bus so we walked to the gate together, leaving in opposite directions. My stomach rumbles as I walk down the path, I can feel the wine resenting my stomach. I'm pretty sure theres a food van a few roads away, would it be open at seven? I attempt and fail with google when I realise I don't know what its called. I keep walking, doubling back on myself a few times and very nearly giving up...before I finally spot a half blue half rust van perched on the end of the pavement. 'Berts'. 

Theres two people infront of me, giving me idle time to battle myself on whether to have a deluxe breakfast bagle or maple pancakes. A price difference of £1.50...getting both also seems a good choice. I choose the bagle, easier to walk and eat with. A larger than life man, who I assume is Bert, serves me. He looks like a jolly lumberjack in an apron and suits the van to a tee. It wobbles as he clatters back and forth, asking me what sauces I want and how I take my eggs. (Brown and Fried.) I pay him and head onwards further from home, I don't know why I don't want to go home yet. It's almost eight, Harry should be up soon and will come to jump on me in an empty bed. I'm slightly glad to miss that. 

A nearby bench with graffiti and entire slats missing seemed the best breakfast spot, I was half hidden by trees and shrubery with only the bus stop opposite me. A man had just sat down, I was hoping he wouldn't spot me until I'd finished demolishing my food like a pig.