Ipseity

The Beginning ~ Capricorn

I p s e i t y 

(n.) Self hood - The quality of being oneself; the essential element of individual identity.

 ~*~

This particular word caught my attention. It was as if my entire thought process had stopped just to comprehend this one, simple word. 

Individual identity? 

However just as quickly as my mind had stopped, it had begun to run again as I continued to read the literature in my hands. Each page was written with small, intricate lettering. That in itself showing how much care was put into it. It was a book written by Pisces herself, a gift for putting an unusual curse on me. Something distinctly shuddered in the back of my mind as I remembered how I got the book in the first place. The 12th Zodiac had "accidentally" thrown it at the back of my head, and although she said it was a regular book, the book had magical properties to it. Somehow the impact triggered a spell, leaving me cursed to spell EVERY single letter of the sentence I last spoke for an entire month. Fun.

My hands absentmindedly traced the words across the page, jumping from left to right. Swirling over a's and curving over o's. That was entertaining enough, but I lost interest in the book. Marking my place, I set it on the night stand next to me. 

Curls of azure fell over my shoulders, shifting as I stood up from my bed. Looking around the room, I could feel a phantom of achievement. Scattered across marble walls were a multitude of blueprints for various inventions designed by Aquarius. Albeit crazy, the man was a genius in his own weird way. His intellect only rivaled by his uncanny need to always tap his fingers. Ugh, it's always the tapping ones.

In the corner sat an oak desk with a neat stack of books on it. The books given to me by my patron, Janus, the God of beginnings. Although I wouldn't say that I needed books about world domination, it was the thought that counted in the end. 

Artificial sunlight filtered in from a large window. Casting the room in a lazy sunset orange. It almost felt like home, almost.

I moved back my focus to the stack of books, titles of "How To Rule The World 101" and "Becoming The Very Best" laid there unread. Hey, at least unlike the other Zodiacs, my patron actually talks to me every once and a while. Sometimes he even bothers to give me presents, and perhaps the more I thought about it, it could've been his way of compensation for my memories.

Then a thought occurred to me, when was the last time I actually cleaned myself? 

Scrambling to my desk, I pulled out a mirror. Holding back a noise of disgust as I stared at my reflection. 

Ink eyes stared back at me, their movements mimicking mine. My reflection, she looked so.. dull. Hair tousled and knotted from lack of care, dark bags hanging underneath my eyes from lack of sleep, then to top it off, my horns actually had dust on them. Talk about major hygiene right here.

A long sigh forced it's way out of my mouth as I began to reach for a comb. But before I could grab it, a voice echoed throughout the air getting my attention.

"Wow, you look great. Emphasis on the great."

I quickly turned my head to look at the figure leaning against the doorway, lips curving into a small grin. Virgo. He had vivid, jade colored eyes. Forest green curls framed a sharp, always smirking face. With a pale complexion that easily turns red at any given moment. Honestly, the boy was the embodiment of mother nature combined with angel wings. 

"Gee thanks, not like I didn't know that already."

He rolled his eyes as he moved over to stand next to me, his shoulders briefly bumping against mine as he peered over at the mirror in my hand. His eyes flickered over it briefly before he looked at me. For a moment my heart beat faster as I stared directly into his eyes, they captivated me almost every time I looked into them. Gods, out of all the earth signs I just had to get plain black eyes. 

Amused at my reaction, he plopped down on my bed. His face directed toward the plain ceiling. I joined his gaze, but whatever he was looking at, it was already gone.

"Speaking of, the annual revival is tomorrow. I bet you're just bursting with enthusiasm aren't you?"

Shit. My expression faltered as his sentence registered within my mind. The annual revival. An event that only occurs once a year, yet every time it only added to the weight on our shoulders. The event, like its name states is a revival. For us, it was a sacrifice. 

You see, the Zodiac weren't always some holy, celestial beings. Strangely enough we were human at a point in our lives. To live as Gods, we needed to sacrifice something to become Godlike. 

The sacrifice? 

Our humanity. 

For this event, we would be forced to give away the part of us that were our main virtues while we were still human. The few things in life that would keep us going through hard times. Essentially speaking, it was what made us, us.

For example, Virgo. As far as he told me. His virtue was intelligence. It's not as if he isn't intelligent now. However as he explained to me, it's different from being able to learn something. To fulfill the thirst for knowledge when now, there's nothing left to fill. You know everything, so? What's the point? I'd argue endlessly with him about this, but he'd only give me a sorrowful glance and the conversation would end. 

Every time when we were even an inch closer to gaining that virtue back, it would be wiped out. Eradicated. We desperately tried everything we could to prevent this. The next day, however, it would be gone. You would be left with a hollow feeling in the very depths of your heart. As if something was missing, then you would immediately know that even with your hardest efforts to avoid this event. It wouldn't be enough.

Even now I can barely manage to notice the thoughts waiting to spring forth from behind his pursed smile. Before I could question it, fingers snapped me out of my trance.

"Come on, if we can do it before we can do it again. Don't worry so much."

I knew the underlying meaning behind those words. There's no other way, we were just going to have to endure it again. We both knew fully well that if we had to undergo that again, we'd be driven mad. Mad over feeling like an empty shell of a person. Virgo slowly resumed a sitting position. His voice quivering as he spit out a string of lies.

"We'll make it."

Getting up, he nearly made it out the door before I grabbed his hand. Holding him back, the scene I saw made my heart-break. Tears were pooling at the corners of his eyes, his teeth biting the edges of his lips as he looked at me with desperation.

"W-We will right?"

A new found determination bubbled within me. My grip tightening around his arm, adrenaline coursing through my veins as I looked up at him.

"I swear we will"

Then, in that room the sparks of a revolution started to ignite.

~*~

Ooh is there something happening between Virgo and Capricorn? Maybe, maybe not? Who knows??

Virgo is basically a green angel, like just slap on some wings on a piece of broccoli and you got him! Capricorn is just human looking with horns and blue hair, eh nothing special. 

Ugh, I wish I had chocolate right now.