Upstairs (gmw/Lucaya)

Chapter eight

Rileys father came back with Riley by renting a car. He wanted to spend some time with her and see Farkle, Maya and I. Farkle won't be back for another hour but Riley and her dad should be here shortly. We are in Maya's apartment. I'm watching a random tv movie and she is drawing a picture on the ground, using the small coffee table as a desk while we wait.
"When's the last time you saw Mr. Matthews?" I ask.
"The day before I left for this year. What about you?"
"About a week before." She nods and goes back to her drawing for a minute but then turns back to me.
"Have you figured out your new belief yet."
"Not yet."
"Awe."
"Sorry to disappoint. What are you drawing?"
"It's a drawing of a girl falling off of a building."
"That's... Scary." She laughs. "Please don't do that."
"It's just for class. I'm not gonna jump off a building." She laughs.
"Can I see." She passes me the sketch book. I look at the pencil drawing. The angle is from above. The girl doesn't look so much like she jumped but pushed. Her emotions do look that way though. She looks tired and helpless. A little like Maya did the other night. I look at her and compare. She reads my expression.
"I know that peole say that suicide is selfish."
"Do you think that cutting is selfish?"
"If other people know. That's why I didn't want you to know."
"I don't think you were selfish. I think that you were just searching for relief or punishment or something. Thats not how you can find that though, Maya."
She looks away. Something about my face is telling me... Did she do it again?
"Let me see the scar." I demand. She shakes her head.
"Did you cu-" there's a knock on the door. She gets up to open it but I have to know. I grab her arm and pull her back, pulling her bracelets up her arm to reveal more scars, newer scars. She pulls away and pushed her bracelets back down.
"Why? What happened?"
"This is not the time." She says walking to the door.
"Just tell me! Why would you do it again."
"It's not as deep as the first!"
She opens the door just as I say "but almost!"
"Why are you guys fighting?" Asks Riley, stepping inside with her dad.
"She did it again!" Maya gives me a sharp glare.
"She did what?" Asks Mr. Matthews.
"She's cutting."
"You're what?" He says to her.
"Nice to see you Mr. Matthews." She says quietly.
"Maya." He gives her a shocked but disappointed look. Riley hugs her. Immediately Emile, who got back the night before runs in.
"I heard yelling. Wow, Riley is this your dad."
"I am."
"Wow." He shakes his hand. "I have heard so many story's about your class."
"I bet you have."
"Emile, did you know about Maya's cutting?" I ask. He looks at Maya and then to me.
"Yes." Something burns inside of me. How did he know and I not know? Right, she was really close to him. I wish I were that close.
"Um, well I'm gonna let you have your reunion. Caleb, Nick and Jessica are back, Maya. I'll tell them you're busy right now." I was an acquaintance to each of those people but they were Mayas friends. We really weren't that important to her, were we? She has so many other friends, we were just some of her longest friends. She doesn't put us first and who knows were she placed us. I want to be angry, I want to tell her what she did was stupid and I want to walk away and let her finish living out college with those friends. Something won't  let me. Maybe the fact that I let her drift away in the first place and now she might not trust me. Maybe because I just want to protect her and I know that stepping away won't fix her.
"Dad, we have reservations for dinner soon." He looked at Maya.
"I've got her." I Say to him. He nods and they walk out. There's I pause, neither of us knowing what to say. Suddenly, she speaks.
"I do it to punish myself."