Upstairs (gmw/Lucaya)

Chapter five

"So... Whatchya wanna do?" She asks, jumping down from the later on the fire escape and crawling through the window.
"Huh?" I asked, tossing her a coke from the fridge.
"You know, like we used to when Riley and Farkle were busy." She opens it and takes a sip.
"Okay. Maybe we can go to subway?"
"Boo! That's not fun."
"I know what you'll like." I say after taking a huge sip from my coke. "The park."
"Yes!"
"You love being a kid."
"Helps me feel more innocent."
"So the opposite of you."
"No, actually, more like me."
"Are you implying that you are innocent?"
"No. That would be stupid. I guess I just feel like I can't slow down and I just want to be twelve again. When everything felt like such a big deal, but this time to know how big or little it actually was.
"Do you think if you knew that, then you wouldn't have been so innocent a twelve?"
"I wasn't innocent at twelve, though. It was just a different kind. A smaller kind in a smaller scale."
"Like your homework rebellion."
"I think I finally know why I go to far."
"Why's that?"
"To bury myself so that when I'm alone I don't have to deal with my thoughts."
"Is it working?" She shook her head.
"I'm just confused now. I can't find myself when I want to and I don't think differently when I'm alone."
"I never knew that, Maya."
"Neither did I. I guess pranks and stuff don't really make you guilty but acts of growing up."
"Don't test that prank hypothesis on me." I say.
"Tell me about your dad." She says. She could never tell me about herself without forcing me to tell her something. Sometimes I think that opening up to me is just a way to get me trapped into telling her something.
"Why?"
"You never talk about him."
"I don't want to."
"I didn't want to talk about that but I did. Come on, please!"
"Fine. He's a good man and all but to be honest, I don't think he should have been raising a son."
"Worked a lot?"
"That and he had no balance between rules and fun. He never seemed to chose the right one."
"That's a good way to put it. I get what you mean. Did you ever talk to him about it?"
"I tried but he just didn't get it no matter what I said." I feel her arms wrap around me. I had been looking at her but was lost in memory's and words. She woke me up with the hug. I wrap my arms around her.
"I think he just had his mind fixed on his idea. Nothing you could have said would have changed his view." She says still hugging me. I stroke her hair.
"Thanks, Maya."
"Thanks, huckleberry."
"But I didn't help you?"
"I haven't found the words until now. You were there to listen." I really can't tell how she feels about me. I've been to afraid to think of what I thought about her, fearing that I would not be able to speak to her the same way. I wrapped it with a cast iron chain and locked it up. It has been held above my head Suddenly it all unravels and hits my head like a brick catching on fire as it goes though my brain and plops down to my heart, burning. She had unlocked it. I love her.